Tired of the way a lot of people dismiss anxiety disorders

[NovemberRain]

Oh Charon, I am so sorry you had to go through that!   So many of them have such humongous egos.

Hope Lange?! Maybe he'd been watching a lot of "The Ghost & Mrs. Muir" re-runs. What an idiot. She'd have been too old by then - it was Jessica Lange.  Then in 2005, Naomi Watts. And he couldn't even admit he was wrong. Well, that tells you a lot about him. You should have insisted it was Fay Wray, and that Fay Wray was in every sequel, too. After she died, it made it easier for them because they could just plop her body into the big gorilla's hand. Talking to someone who's nuts, you may as well say nutty things yourself. 

Seriously though, nobody should have to go through that. I've had my share of dingbat doctors and it's a horrible feeling to be dismissed, invalidated and made to feel like you're doing something wrong just because you're breathing. And I've even heard "You know, you're just going to have to get over this." (Depression and anxiety.) 

"Oh? Why, I didn't know that! Thank you, Doctor! I'll do that right away! I never thought of that before! You've sure saved my life, Doc! I'll be going now! I'm going to go get over it!" 

I am sure there are plenty of docs out there who would have a satisfied smile on their face, nod happily at you and think "I've helped another again!" Yep. You've helped another again alright...right off a bridge. 

I have a friend who worked as an RN for a group of psychiatrists. She quit because she couldn't take it anymore. Especially after one of the doctors hit another one on the head with a club. I also have a friend who was told by a psychiatrist: "You know, there is a reason we get into this field." 

Again, I am sorry you had to go through that.

Give me his address and I'll flood him with pictures of Jessica Lange in King Kong's palm every single day.    Nah. You know what he'd do? He'd say "I told that woman it was Jessica Lange, and she kept INSISTING it was Hope Lange!"   

You can't "win" with people like that. You just have to get them out of your life as soon as you possibly can. And if you can't, you nod and smile, nod and smile...while you're thinking other things. I know I don't have to tell you what those "things" are. 

That's something that takes a lot of time to learn. I haven't quite mastered it yet, but I'm working on it! "NAS." Nod and Smile, Nod and Smile. Just like a bobble-head. And I look at the bridge of their nose while doing it, right between their eyes. They don't notice, they think I'm looking at them intensely, and it helps to take a bit of the sting away of whatever nonsense or cruel thing they're saying. 

Abigail 

[mysterious503]

Yeah I was having an anxiety attack at work and I ended up going home. Before I left my supervisor told me sometimes you just need to sit in your anxiety. He wanted me to train a class while going through this. I could feel it in my bones the attack was so bad. I talked to him about the stress and anxiety that has come with this new position and the next day he showed me a video that said you just need to think of stress as something healthy rather than it being unhealthy and you'll be able to deal with it better. I was so pissed!

[btodd9]

People are dismissive when they don't understand things. They just can't grasp that for some of us little basic tasks are huge hurdles and we take little failures very very personally. It is what it is I guess.

[NovemberRain]

btodd9, You're right. They can be very dismissive. I have often wanted to wear some type of bandage, not band aid, but a serious looking bandage; perhaps some gauze wrapped around my head in the forehead area when going places. Just because anxiety and depression etc., are "invisible", people act like it's just not that big of deal. But if it was something they could SEE, they would.

I would also love to be able to say "This is what it is like" and to be able to give them the feelings I get for just a short bit of time. Then say "See what I mean? NOW...try functioning like you always have, but with those feelings 24/7."  

I've also noticed (at least this has been my experience) that the introvert loses out over the extrovert. The extrovert says "Ohhhh, come on! You'll enjoy yourself! It'll be fun! Just go, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee?!" Always being put on the spot, always being told "You'll be fine when you're there!" "It'll be FUN!" "You laughed last time, I saw you!" (No, you saw an oscar winning performance, that is what you saw).

But introverts don't say "Ohhhhhh just stay home. Come on, you'll enjoy it! You can read that book you've been wanting to read!" "You'll enjoy this puzzle! Just sit still and do this puzzle, it'll be fun! You had fun the last time, I saw you, remember? How much we laughed?!" "Give it a try! You won't know until you TRY! Stay home, we'll put a fire on, and you can read or work that crossword puzzle you've been wanting to do."

Nope. I've never seen that happen. 

Where can I buy a real heavy, kind of scary looking leg brace? I don't mean to be insensitive, I myself have physical disabilities. I have osteoarthritis in my left leg due to breaking it in several places years ago. But nobody can see the hardware in my leg, so they dismiss it. "Hey, that was so long ago. We've come so far with surgeries, you went to the store, it can't hurt that bad?" My reason for wearing it would be to be able to say "Oh, I have to wear this when it gets bad where they operated." They'd say "Ohhhhhhhh." And be fine with me not going to wherever it is they wanted me to tag along to. But I want one that makes people look away. Not a cast or crutches. That way they'll leave me alone in public places. 

"Why would you have anxiety? It will just be people you know?"

Sigh. I don't even explain it anymore. I used to try "I just DO. It's there even when you guys aren't there! It's inside of me. It's a part of me." What I don't say "My grandmother had it and I inherited it from her, and grew up in a critical household. I dread even the THOUGHT of going, so don't even try to get me to go. I. Don't. Enjoy. The. Same. Things. You. Do." 

Do I need to wear a sweatshirt that says "Please Pretend I'm Invisible." ??? Sort of defeats the purpose of the saying on the sweatshirt, doesn't it?  

But I still get angry because I try to see "their side." I can see it when my father is going "stir crazy" and wants to get out of the house so visits his son in law or grandson. I know when my mom needs to get out and water her plants or see her kids or go out to dinner. And I don't blame them.

But every time it's "You sure you don't want to go with us to (insert restaurant or event here)?" "No thanks. I'm going to finish my book." Later on their way out "You're not coming with us? You sure? Lots of good food there and...". "Nahhhh. I'm fine. I don't feel like going."  

And it's not like I can explain to just anyone: "No, I can't. I wouldn't enjoy myself. The noise is too much for me and the lights are too bright for me right now. I can't handle it."

Then I'm stuck with guilt. I think maybe my parents feel guilty - like they're leaving me alone. "Poor girl, all alone. She'd have fun if she'd just give it a chance."

I HAVE! A BILLION TIMES! I WAS QUITE BUSY WITH MY OWN GROUP OF FRIENDS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER! We went places, did things, and had LOADS of fun! But I'm older and tired now. And very mentally exhausted. I can barely manage to deal with the cat litter and finally got the trash bag out to the trash. Then I had to make a doctor's appt, and now? I'm feeling like I just worked a full 9 hour shift. I'm also feeling good because I actually finished putting clean sheets on my bed. Now THAT can be a task for The Hulk. Especially that bottom sheet!   

I always try to put myself into another person's place. I try to picture what they are thinking, feeling, going through, etc. I can see how an extrovert would be bored stiff staying home. Being with people is something that they enjoy and makes them feel productive, happy, energized, content, comfortable, etc., etc.

Well, it doesn't do that for me. It makes me feel overwhelmed (depending on what the "outing" is), tired, and I just want to go home. And it's boring to me. But it's like those who are extroverts don't try to understand. They try to change you, instead, thinking it will help you. But I don't see many introverts trying to change extroverts? 

You know, it's not wrong to be either type. Or even in between, or more towards one side than the other. We need all different types in this world. We need the kind of people who are "outgoing" and don't mind being in the public eye, etc. We also need those who can work behind the scenes, in offices, labs, etc. Scientists, engineers, etc.

I asked my father years ago when I was in high school "Dad, why did you decide to become a design engineer?" He said with NO hesitation: "Because I knew I didn't want to work with people." He still worked with them, but I knew what he meant. It was just what my sister and I are like. It was behind the scenes. 

Okay, I'm done venting now! 

Abigail 

[UncleSam]

any of you guys deal with anxiety on top of ADHD? I recently went back to college and I'm having the most difficult time managing both of them as I can't take any meds due to bipolar disorder. The ADHD and anxiety ricochet off eacher- when i can't focus i get anxious about getting the assignment done and then I start thinking about worst case scenarios. Really hope i figure out how to deal with this

[Charon]

i attended schooling for 25 years. i took vivarin caffeine pills. cut in half to stay alert and awake.

there is an alpha beta medicine called propranolol. or inderal. it slows down my heart rate as i have PTSD thru the rough.

But, no one sees that u r nervous on inderal. My medical doctor had told me all the doctors take it.

Its not an anti depressant. But, check with ur doctor. I am but a doctor of law. I don't have a PDR at the moment so i am not able to check for contraindicated meds to take with meds for being bi polar.

When something happened in my life, or not, i needed top grades. So, i would approach my teacher. ask to do extra credit work. even if i had A plus. When one is doing extra credit work, just to get top grades, the pressure is off cuz its my own deadline i am picking. Also, listen to ur teachers. We taped our courses and transcribed them at home. One remembers far better by writing down what one learns.

But, I answered all the stupid questions no one else would answer. I made friends of my teachers as i received love and validation from teachers in my life. So, prep ur teachers. If anything should go awry, they will let u have a do over very often.

I remember that deadlines coming up to meet me did make me anxious. At first. You will figure this out. I went on to be involved with deadlines central by becoming an attorney at law. You can do this.

You have the brains, the incentive. The study habits.

Good luck. Let us know.

[bothereddog]

ive sruggled with anxiety an depression for yrs try getting taken seriously with addiction stamped on your file! in uk its vertually impossible at my worst i can struggle to get off the sofa being from good old Yorkshire stock a typical responce is chin up pull yourself together etc. so it can be a lonely affair but its as real as any other mental condition just woudnt recomend divin into bennies only in moderation when at your lowest but as ive said before elsewere the wisest words ive picked up on here would have to be there not for daily use but keep the experiences and possibe solutions commin people and hopefully we can help,support each other peace n serenity to 1 n all Bd.

[cmdline]

this topic touches me a lot,since first time i opened up to family about suffering with anxiety it was shake it off and cope with it,then pushing for meds , i got that youll be addict attitude thus take only few,not sure how in their mind people think anxiety is smth that can be cured just putting on brave face and taking one/two pills would solve anything.
MDs are no help,not that i actually looked but knowing how tight benzos are controlled,one could easier score some sh A drugs on the street.Then get actual help.
Its sad in a way that many of use have to live hidden lives,and stigma that if one is more sensitive,people look at you as weak,it could be friends family,but found out the hard way that once you take things in your hands theres rarely anyone who will help you in life thus this is a lonely fight for each day,when suffering with anxiety depression and having other mental illnesses,which could be managed quite easily and make people part of community and adding to society,but seems those who suffer silently are usually ignored or forgotten.Like where i live people have free spots to go shot up heroin,and free methadone,yet if you suffer with anxiety good luck getting valerian root,or prepare for years of tests visits,to psychiatrists docs,to be tested for everything and live with a label of being looked down by anyone.

[mr nobody]

Cmdline-pretty much my experience.

Docs/shrinks will put you through at least one course of anti-depressant/antipsychotics before talking about benzos-then you get the dose/tolerance speech from the same a-holes who  have no problems handing out ssri med for YEARS. You know the med that made a bunch of people kill themselves and NOW there are warings? Oh yes those experts...grrrr.

Family/friends/coworkers can't even talk to them anymore about this I would rather seem distant and be a little lonely that try to explain this with them...learned the hard way-most people simply have no idea until it happens to them.

A cast or migraines they can understand-panic/anxiety attacks not so much in my experience.
Thanks for letting me vent.

[dynalift]

I totally concur, the hardest part is constantly having to remind your family that you suffer from panic attacks and anxiety issues and to have them respond with a look like "you mean you haven't gotten over that yet?...come on, get with it". And it is doubly hard when it was their insanity and abuse that caused it in the first place.

Society in general (especially expressed in the Medical Prof.) just has no flare for nuance, no empathy or even a vague understanding of how different levels of sensitivity exist among different individuals. One man's torture can be barely remarkable to another. In the end we all suffer under this institutionalized insanity... forced to continually chase our tails in search of the 'one size fits all' approach to every problem under the sun. 

Some of us are sensitive enough to see through it, and that, in turn, breeds more existential angst.