PTSD and Me

[Furyan66]

Hi there Popster, CMD and Linville      Popster that sounds frightening - do you think it's anxiety or a neurological episode?  

CMD do you think you might have a comorbid condition that hasn't been diagnosed (have had the dream paralysis and the thinking I'm going to stop breathing).  Was diagnosed with a comorbid in addition to anxiety.  More recently, about a year ago got a book about managing ADD (am not diagnosed but wondered).  One of my siblings was diagnosed with ADD very recently and her psych is trying meds.  She thinks another Sib and myself    are ADD.

Fury I've read your thread - something terrible happened to you when your child was taken from you.  It was cruel and it wasn't in the best interests of this child.  The only thing I can say is she needs her Dad and has a Dad now, whatever wrongs were done previously.

Popster and Charon have made some very perceptive comments:  I agree with what Popster wrote that this issue with your job may very well be an opportunity.  As Charon noted you have attributes that will give you a good hand.  I think once word is out that you're available they'd be fools not to seriously consider you on their team.  

The anxiety, the attacks of depression you've been fighting off -  I think Nick was right - you need care with that level of pain.  This is a sort of container - but is it enough of a container at this instance?

Hey Blacksocks and all others...

Blacksocks you are totally correct when you say something terrible happened to me when my daughter was moved 350 miles away. This happened back in 2001. She was just over 2 years old and I remember her strapped in her car seat in the back of her mothers SUV pulling out of the driveway waving to me like she was just going to Walmart and she would be back in a few hours. Little did she know or could understand that she would never be coming back. I realized at that moment that I would never be able to be the full time father to her like I had in the previous 2 years and I was never going to experience any of the things I had pictured in my mind about the family we had just started. Taking her to school, Helping with homework, getting upset about her first boyfriend etc... I could go on forever with examples of things that I still dream about and wish I was able to experience and maybe even provide some advice to her when in fact I missed most all of it and can never get that time back. You would think that after 16 years it would get easier and the dreams would chill out a bit but It has never gotten any easier or better. I still have one main re occurring dream where as I mentioned earlier "my daughter is in her mothers SUV pulling out of the driveway waving to me". This is a dream that really stings.

I have just learned to live with it plain and simple but I fight it every single day.

The dreams sometimes are so crazy that part of your mind knows that you are dreaming and you are conscious while you are asleep. Not really sure how to explain it. Smells, tastes and just the way these dreams feel so real, like yesterday when it's been over 16 years. The mind iz truly amazing. It lets you remember and dream about things that keep you going while it also reminds you of the curve balls life can throw you but damn my soul is tired and I need a mental break...

Sorry for the rant

Peace all