Thanks for having me on this board.

[Rose5555]

Hi JK, it's good to meet you. Thanks for your honesty, it is a rare gift to offer, but a valuable one. I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time and that you cannot get what you need from your doctors anymore. I hope you will find ways to source what you need here on this forum. It's an amazing resource if you use it wisely and with care. I've always wondered why we have alcohol as our permitted, social drug of choice as it can really cause a lot of harm, so I feel for you if you are finding it harms you by making you act in ways you do not like. I had a mercifully short period of drinking heavily a decade ago when I had a number of losses in my life and it really helped nothing at all, all it did was make things worse. In the end I cut right back. That made all the difference to me. So I hope you find ways of dealing with it too - it is definitely possible.
All the best to you.