Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Popster... They were tasty too!!




Forgive Me... Please?

A man walks into a church confessional and
says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I
have sinned. I was with seven different hot
women last night."

The priest is silent for a moment, then says,
"Go home and cut seven lemons in half,
squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it
down in one gulp."

"And Ill be forgiven?" asks the man.

"No," replies the priest, "But it will wipe that
silly smirk off your face!"

---

Politicaly Incorrect

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at
lunchtime. She said "Sorry about the wait".

I said, "Don't worry, darling, you'll find a way
to lose it eventually."


I walked past a homeless kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, "Any change?"

I said, "Nope, you're still homeless."


Snow in the forecast and the TV weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face
like that!


Years ago it was suggested that an apple a
day kept the doctor away.
But since nearly all of the doctors are now
Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich
works best!


I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days when you could look at
an unattended bag on a train or bus and
think to yourself, "I'm going to take that."


A man in a hot air balloon is lost over some
forest and then an open field.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the field and shouts to him, "Where am I?"

The farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You're in a basket, you dumb idiot!"


I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a
local bar until the last question which I got
wrong.
The question was where do women have
the curliest hair?

Fiji was the correct answer...

Hell, how did I know they wanted the name
of a country?


I'd just come out of the shop with a roastbeef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn and a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said,
"I've not eaten for two days."

I told him, "I wish I had your will power."



In the end,
I've learned one thing, that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pi$$ing everyone off is a
piece of cake.