Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Redneck Security System
.
.
.
Out of Desperation

So, I'm driving home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life.

My family's messed up lives, my friends'
messed up lives, and on top of all that what's happening in Paris, Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, Obama, Trump,

The News, the downgrading of our military, Syrian refugees, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegals, and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity, drugs and what they are doing to people, not to mention how I'm going to make the bills and mortgage at the end of the month.

As I'm driving I spot a sign! I saw a sign
nailed to a pole that said:::
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-555-3787

I thought, I was just asking for help, is this one of those signs from God that we ask for but miss because we're so jaded?

Is HE sending help and I'm just gonna drive right by it??

Hell No! Out of curiosity and desperation, I pull into my driveway, run inside and I called the
number.........................


A Mexican guy showed up with a lawnmower and some tools.
.
.
.
An Irish Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second
black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first
one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He
respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife’s.”,said the 2nd man

First man,”What happened to her?”

Second man,“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her!”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She
was trying to help my wife when the dog
turned on her.”

A very poignant and touching moment of
brotherhood and silence passed between
the two men.

After a bit the first man said,"In that case, can I borrow the dog"

“Get in line!!"