So upsetting - I've been deleted

[Rose5555]

I am glad to see there is the human side of rules too, and I also understand that it is not unlimited or to be taken advantage of.

A member in need and maybe is what it takes to be forever grateful and a good part of what happens here. A chance is a good thing.

I am just glad to see a second chance. I have been grateful for that at times and I always try to do right by them. I hope it is that way here.

Rose5555 please use this second chance to make it right and do what Charon asks. Show her it mattered to you. 
I know you can by the posts in this thread.

I hope so for you.

Thank you so much Charon for your kindness. I went to bed crying last night. And I couldn't sleep for ages so I feel exhausted this morning. You're right, some of what had upset me was due to what has happened to me. It has been a really rough time as you might imagine and on top of it all, things are not easy in my life in general. I am indeed happy to be home with my sons. That's what counts in the end.  I am very grateful for your kind act and to be honest, I did not expect it in the least, and it came as a lovely surprise this morning.  I wouldn't abuse an act of kindness ever, it is that simple. 
So I will try to get the required posts done but I really was trying to be sincere, thoughtful and kind in everything I wrote, rather than just put random posts on to make up the count.  I had contributed at length in sections that really touched my own life - migraine, sleep and anxiety being the key ones - and also sent messages of support to other members who wrote about their own difficulties.  I was trying to achieve quality in everything I offered while staying true to who I am. I would genuinely hope that this is what you would want of your members rather than a simple quantity of posts.  Anyone can achieve 50 posts in 45 days if what they write has little value but I suspect it is a lot harder when a lot of what you write comes laden with feelings and is painful to share. There are still things I haven't shared, like the cancer, because I just cannot write about them yet.  I cannot write about anxiety or sleep disorder without feeling sad for the person I was when I was suffering from them, especially as I still have anxiety problems and migraine today. So this is why I find myself a bit conflicted this morning as I do still feel that my previous offerings were just not good enough for this site as they were, even though they were personal and emotional. That does really hurt me.  And it did occur to me that perhaps it might be a good idea when you are pruning members who haven't made the total if, before doing so, you read the posts themselves and see what they have brought to the site. My posts would have displayed most of what you needed to know about who I am and there should have been no suspicion that I was a "spy". And I was proud of the number of "helpful" votes I had gathered for what I had written because they told me that someone, somewhere, had found something in what I offered which might be of use to them, which is one of the main reasons I am here. Now given everything that has happened, I do not know when I will be able to find the strength to write them again. Anyway, this is just an idea and I hope it won't be taken badly, especially given the generosity shown to me here.  It is written from the heart, as I say. 
Anyway, I am going to stop here. I remain deeply grateful, and yet again, for the third time, to Charon.  It is lovely to have you in my family.   And thank you, Linville, for your kind words too. I am happy to have my family back.