03-14-2022, 11:14 PM
A cold, withered, teenage addict wandered to his
dope dealer’s apartment. Through the back,
up the stairs, he knocked at the door.
*knock knock*
“Who's there?”
Said the dope dealer.
“Just me, looking for comfort.”
“Comfort huh…
you look rather withered and cold.”
“Yeah, I could use a cat or a pill.”
“A cat…?”
“Yeah or a pill.”
“I’m out of inventory,
got busted last week.”
“I’m desperate, please!”
“Man, I think I got just what you need and more.
Stay right here, you can look around but don’t
touch anything.”
The dope dealer stepped out of the room.
The cold, withered, teenage man looked around
the room in awe. There was a lava lamp, an ant farm,
a hula hoop suspended from the ceiling that acted as
some kind of scoring basket on a horizontal plane.
There were stale chips and little green paratroopers
sprawled across the carpet.
“..Man, I got this the other day and have been holding
onto it for the right moment”
said the dope dealer, carrying a little tin can.
“Oh man, really?
I’m as lonely as ever, and I’m having the worst
withdrawal in my life. Pretty much anything will do.
A cat will give me comfort and warmth,
or a pill will give me an escape.”
“Yeah man, this will cheer you right up.
I almost sold it the other day but I knew the time wasn’t right…
Someone who truly needed it would come along soon.”
“That’s great, please give it!”
“Okay, man, here you go.”
The dope dealer handed over the little tin can
to the cold, withered, teenage addict
looking for a cat or a pill.
The teenage addict grasped the little tin can
and opened the lid.
Out flew a butterfly,
to which the dope dealer said, “D@MN.”
![[Image: OISPTOo.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/OISPTOo.jpg)
![[Image: zpizRnO.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/zpizRnO.jpg)
*****
We are as beautiful as we feel!
Today, I asked my phone
“Siri, why am I still single?”
and it activated the front camera.
*****
The first thing i look for in a girl is her heart.
The fact that’s her b00bs are in the way is not my fault.
*****
A girl comes home from college for the first time.
After asking her about classes and friends and clubs
and the dorm, her mother finally works up the courage to ask
"So now that you're away from home and on your own,
are you s3xually active?"
The daughter says,
"No".
And the mom releases a breath
she didn't realize she was holding.
Then the daughter continues,
"I still mostly just lie there".
*****
I went to the Olympics in Tokyo...
I saw a guy walking around with a big stick.
So I asked:
"Are you a pole vaulter?".
He replied:
"No I'm German,
but how did you know my name is Walter?"
*****
What do you call a pony with a sore throat ?
A little horse.
*****
You hear about the latest generic Viagra?
Mycoxafloppin.
*****
Penguin Walks Into a Bar
Asks the bartender,
“Have you seen my brother?”
Bartender says
“What’s he look like?’
*****
I went into this fancy restaurant…
I asked:
“Can I have some Sesame Chicken please?”
The waiter said,
“Sorry sir, this restaurant is French Cuisine “
“Ok, can I have Sesame Chicken,
s”il vous plait?”
*****
I absolutely hate donating blood.
As soon as you walk through the door
you get bombarded with questions.
I absolutely hate when they ask,
“Where did you get it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”
*****
Two men are hiking through the woods
when one of them cries out,
“Snake! Run!”
His buddy laughs at him.
“Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,”
he says.
“Don’t you hear the rattle?”
*****
I need to Re-Home a small Dog.
It's a very small Terrier that tends to bark a lot.
If you are interested.
Let me know and I will jump over my
neighbors garden fence and get the barker for you!
*****
In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...
Poison I, II, III, would all kill you
dope dealer’s apartment. Through the back,
up the stairs, he knocked at the door.
*knock knock*
“Who's there?”
Said the dope dealer.
“Just me, looking for comfort.”
“Comfort huh…
you look rather withered and cold.”
“Yeah, I could use a cat or a pill.”
“A cat…?”
“Yeah or a pill.”
“I’m out of inventory,
got busted last week.”
“I’m desperate, please!”
“Man, I think I got just what you need and more.
Stay right here, you can look around but don’t
touch anything.”
The dope dealer stepped out of the room.
The cold, withered, teenage man looked around
the room in awe. There was a lava lamp, an ant farm,
a hula hoop suspended from the ceiling that acted as
some kind of scoring basket on a horizontal plane.
There were stale chips and little green paratroopers
sprawled across the carpet.
“..Man, I got this the other day and have been holding
onto it for the right moment”
said the dope dealer, carrying a little tin can.
“Oh man, really?
I’m as lonely as ever, and I’m having the worst
withdrawal in my life. Pretty much anything will do.
A cat will give me comfort and warmth,
or a pill will give me an escape.”
“Yeah man, this will cheer you right up.
I almost sold it the other day but I knew the time wasn’t right…
Someone who truly needed it would come along soon.”
“That’s great, please give it!”
“Okay, man, here you go.”
The dope dealer handed over the little tin can
to the cold, withered, teenage addict
looking for a cat or a pill.
The teenage addict grasped the little tin can
and opened the lid.
Out flew a butterfly,
to which the dope dealer said, “D@MN.”
*****
We are as beautiful as we feel!
Today, I asked my phone
“Siri, why am I still single?”
and it activated the front camera.
*****
The first thing i look for in a girl is her heart.
The fact that’s her b00bs are in the way is not my fault.
*****
A girl comes home from college for the first time.
After asking her about classes and friends and clubs
and the dorm, her mother finally works up the courage to ask
"So now that you're away from home and on your own,
are you s3xually active?"
The daughter says,
"No".
And the mom releases a breath
she didn't realize she was holding.
Then the daughter continues,
"I still mostly just lie there".
*****
I went to the Olympics in Tokyo...
I saw a guy walking around with a big stick.
So I asked:
"Are you a pole vaulter?".
He replied:
"No I'm German,
but how did you know my name is Walter?"
*****
What do you call a pony with a sore throat ?
A little horse.
*****
You hear about the latest generic Viagra?
Mycoxafloppin.
*****
Penguin Walks Into a Bar
Asks the bartender,
“Have you seen my brother?”
Bartender says
“What’s he look like?’
*****
I went into this fancy restaurant…
I asked:
“Can I have some Sesame Chicken please?”
The waiter said,
“Sorry sir, this restaurant is French Cuisine “
“Ok, can I have Sesame Chicken,
s”il vous plait?”
*****
I absolutely hate donating blood.
As soon as you walk through the door
you get bombarded with questions.
I absolutely hate when they ask,
“Where did you get it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”
*****
Two men are hiking through the woods
when one of them cries out,
“Snake! Run!”
His buddy laughs at him.
“Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,”
he says.
“Don’t you hear the rattle?”
*****
I need to Re-Home a small Dog.
It's a very small Terrier that tends to bark a lot.
If you are interested.
Let me know and I will jump over my
neighbors garden fence and get the barker for you!
*****
In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...
Poison I, II, III, would all kill you
with varying degrees of pain.
However poison IV would make
However poison IV would make
you really itchy.
*****
The 7 dwarves are all relaxing in the hot tub, feeling happy.
So Happy got out.
*****
My wife found out I was cheating after she
found the letters I was hiding
She got mad and said she is never
playing Scrabble with me again!
*****
An elderly farm couple was having dinner.
The man says,
"I'm gonna go out and take a leak."
He comes back later with spots on his trousers,
so the woman asks,
"Is the weather rainy?"
He says,
"No, it's windy."
![[Image: GAsJwY0.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/GAsJwY0.jpg)
*****
The 7 dwarves are all relaxing in the hot tub, feeling happy.
So Happy got out.
*****
My wife found out I was cheating after she
found the letters I was hiding
She got mad and said she is never
playing Scrabble with me again!
*****
An elderly farm couple was having dinner.
The man says,
"I'm gonna go out and take a leak."
He comes back later with spots on his trousers,
so the woman asks,
"Is the weather rainy?"
He says,
"No, it's windy."
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit