Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out On A Bus

His Explanation Is Perfect.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin,
so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.

The man replied,
''Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said,
''The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
"Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,''
and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
"William's Big Stick Did the Trick,''
and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,

''Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'' ...

I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!

*****


Once upon a time in a magical land, far, far away,
a magical land, there lived a snake named Nate.

In this land, actually rather close to Nate’s house,
there was a great road, and next to this road
was a lever.

The lever was ancient, and the myth around the lever was
that if you were to push it, it would trigger
the end of the world !

One day, Nate was slithering down the road.
When he came upon the lever, he began crossing
the road so he could get a look at it.

At the same moment, a truck came zooming around the corner,
and the driver found himself in a dilemma: either hit the snake
and run him over, or swerve, hit the lever, and end the world.

Needless to say, the driver ran over Nate and went on his merry way.
What’s the moral of this story?

Better Nate than lever.


*****



My wife has a sense of humor!
I asked my wife why did she marry me.

Wife:
"Because you are funny."

Me:
"I thought it was because I was good in bed?"

Wife:
"You see? You're hilarious."



*****



I was sitting in a recliner naked eating
Cheetos minding my own business
And the Walmart manager calls the police


*****


An old man visited a doctor
"What's the problem sir?"
asked the doctor.

He replied
"It's my joints".

Do they hurt??. "
asked the doctor.

No, I just can't roll
them very good !"


*****



What you'll find in the Texan's toolkit?

Duct tape
WD40
Coathanger

These solve every problem
around the house and in the family.


*****

Cloning ethics question.

Cloning yourself and pushing your clone off
a cliff to its death is probably a crime,

but what crime is it?

Is it murder?
Suicide?

Or making an obscene clone fall?