Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A man was in a tattoo shop getting some new work done.

The artist was known to be quite an airhead,
but everyone agreed he did amazing artwork.

So there he was working on this bloke.
A portrait of an Indian that was a full back piece.

At one point the client tells the artist
"Oh yeah, I want the Indian holding a tomahawk.
I think that'll look awesome".

The artist replied, cool as a cucumber.
"A tomahawk huh? Woah, easy there, fella.
One thing at a time.
I haven't even finished his turban yet".


*****



A young girl went into confession and told the priest
she had slept with four different
men over the past week.

Jack on Tuesday,
Bill on Wednesday,
Peter on Thursday and
Chuck on Friday.

“Well my child”
said the priest
“On your way home tonight buy two lemons
and suck on them.”

“But Father, will that cleanse me of my sins?”
she asked.

“No, but it’ll take that bloody damned smile off your face.”



*****


The woman was so pleased with the decorator’s work.

The house was beautifully fresh and clean.
She took her husband upstairs to see the finished results,
but he’d just been in the garden and left his dirty handprints
all over the bedroom door.

She could have cried with disappointment.

The next morning when the decorator came to finish off
she smiled sweetly at him and said,
“I really can’t thank you enough for such a good job.
I just wondered if you would mind coming upstairs for a
few minutes so that I can show you where my husband put his hand?”

The decorator visibly paled and stuttered his reply.
“No thanks, if its all the same to you,
just a letter of recommendation would be nice.”