Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

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Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery,
two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to
pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar,
passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying:
“One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.”

He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby,
for the priest
“Father, please come with me.
Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery”

They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued:

“One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.”

Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
“What about the two at the gate?”

It's said, the two are still running today !



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A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition.

On the way back the wife, very worried, asks:
“So, honey? How’s my mom doing?”

He replies:
“She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years!
Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come
and live with us, forever!”

“Wow that’s amazing!” –
says the wife – “But this is very strange, dear…
yesterday, she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said
she should have a few days to live!”

“Well, I don’t know how she was yesterday” –
he replied – “But today when I arrived at the hospital,
the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst”


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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful  (you guessed it) blȯnde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said,
“It’s golf balls”.

Nevertheless, the blȯnde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally,
not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”



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Two Swedes were remembering how they had first learned to swim.

One said: ‘My father taught me to swim the hard way – he
threw me into the middle of a lake.’

‘That must have been tough,’ said the other.

‘It was, said the first,
but the really hard part was getting out of the sack!’


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When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome.
As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome.
Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER.


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A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C.
He said to a man standing near the curb,
“Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes.
Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed.
“Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?”

“Well no,” the tourist said,
“I didn’t realize that. But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”


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“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,”
an embarrassed woman said after a church service,
“when my husband walked out during your sermon.”

“I did find it rather disconcerting,”
the preacher replied.

“It’s not a reflection on you,” insisted the church goer.
“Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood.”


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Having arrived at the edge of the river,
the fisherman soon realized,
he had forgotten to bring any bait.

Just then he happened to see a little snake passing
by who had caught a worm.

The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch,
he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat.

Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake
with three more worms in his mouth…