08-04-2021, 12:03 AM
What's the Difference Between a hooker, a nympho and a wife?
A hooker says,
“You ain't finished YET???”
A nympho says,
“Surely you ain't finished YET!?!?!?”
A wife says,
“Beige... beige...I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
**********
An old couple is on a walk, when a bird flies by and
relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yuck!" says the woman.
"Get some toilet paper."
"What for" says the old fella?
"He must be half-a-mile away by now."
**********
KIDS !
they should be born with a full suit of clothes....
and a packed suitcase, ready to leave home.
(Brother-in-law's favorite saying...9 kids....3 Bio...3 Adopted...3 Foster.
He also stopped asking 'what's new' when getting home after work.)
**********
CHARLES DICKENS walks into a bar,
and orders a martini.
The bartender asks,
"Olive or twist?"
**********
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down,"
the tree complains.
"I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds,
"You may be a talking tree,
but you will dialogue."
The tree tried to figure out a witty response,
but he was stumped.
**********
An anxious woman goes to her doctor and asks him nervously,
“Doctor, can you get pregnant from @nal intercourse?”
“Certainly,” replies the doctor.
“Where do you think lawyers come from?”
(our attorney didn't appreciate the humor....
he's damn good, but he's still an ass.)
**********
It was just announced on CNN that the list of ingredients
found in Viagra has been released.
It’s made up of 2 percent aspirin, 2 percent ibuprofen,
1 percent filler, and 95 percent Fix-a-Flat.
**********
A swarm of bees was heading south for the winter and one wanted
to make a pit stop at an ESSO station.
The rest of the swarm refused to wait, so the bee zoomed on alone.
The moral of the story?
There is an ESSO bee in every crowd.
**********
A woman is having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.
One afternoon they are carrying on in the bedroom together
when her husband arrives home, unexpectedly.
“Quick,” says the woman to her lover, “Hide!”
She bundles him into the closet stark naked.
The husband is suspicious and after a search of the bedroom,
he discovers the man in the closet.
“Who are you?”
he asks him.
“I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,”
says the exterminator.
“Well, what the hell are you doing in my wife’s closet?”
“I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths.”
“And where, may I ask, are your clothes?”
The man looked down at himself and said,
“Those little bastards!”
**********
A guy is out one night with his girlfriend and they’re driving
eighty miles an hour in his new sports car. She leans over to him,
opens his fly, and reaches in.
Suddenly a deer jumps in front of the car.
He turns the wheel and finally comes to a rest.
When the police get to the scene, they guy is still buckled in and alive,
but groaning pitifully.
The cop says,
“Your girlfriend was thrown from the car and killed.
You sure are lucky.”
“Lucky?" he said,
"Go look in her hand!”
A hooker says,
“You ain't finished YET???”
A nympho says,
“Surely you ain't finished YET!?!?!?”
A wife says,
“Beige... beige...I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
**********
An old couple is on a walk, when a bird flies by and
relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yuck!" says the woman.
"Get some toilet paper."
"What for" says the old fella?
"He must be half-a-mile away by now."
**********
KIDS !
they should be born with a full suit of clothes....
and a packed suitcase, ready to leave home.
(Brother-in-law's favorite saying...9 kids....3 Bio...3 Adopted...3 Foster.
He also stopped asking 'what's new' when getting home after work.)
**********
CHARLES DICKENS walks into a bar,
and orders a martini.
The bartender asks,
"Olive or twist?"
**********
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down,"
the tree complains.
"I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds,
"You may be a talking tree,
but you will dialogue."
The tree tried to figure out a witty response,
but he was stumped.
**********
An anxious woman goes to her doctor and asks him nervously,
“Doctor, can you get pregnant from @nal intercourse?”
“Certainly,” replies the doctor.
“Where do you think lawyers come from?”
(our attorney didn't appreciate the humor....
he's damn good, but he's still an ass.)
**********
It was just announced on CNN that the list of ingredients
found in Viagra has been released.
It’s made up of 2 percent aspirin, 2 percent ibuprofen,
1 percent filler, and 95 percent Fix-a-Flat.
**********
A swarm of bees was heading south for the winter and one wanted
to make a pit stop at an ESSO station.
The rest of the swarm refused to wait, so the bee zoomed on alone.
The moral of the story?
There is an ESSO bee in every crowd.
**********
A woman is having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.
One afternoon they are carrying on in the bedroom together
when her husband arrives home, unexpectedly.
“Quick,” says the woman to her lover, “Hide!”
She bundles him into the closet stark naked.
The husband is suspicious and after a search of the bedroom,
he discovers the man in the closet.
“Who are you?”
he asks him.
“I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,”
says the exterminator.
“Well, what the hell are you doing in my wife’s closet?”
“I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths.”
“And where, may I ask, are your clothes?”
The man looked down at himself and said,
“Those little bastards!”
**********
A guy is out one night with his girlfriend and they’re driving
eighty miles an hour in his new sports car. She leans over to him,
opens his fly, and reaches in.
Suddenly a deer jumps in front of the car.
He turns the wheel and finally comes to a rest.
When the police get to the scene, they guy is still buckled in and alive,
but groaning pitifully.
The cop says,
“Your girlfriend was thrown from the car and killed.
You sure are lucky.”
“Lucky?" he said,
"Go look in her hand!”
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit