Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Two boys were walking home from church after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other,
'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'

The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
'Why is the bride dressed in white?''

The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life.'

The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says,
'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'

The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song,
they give him $100.'

The third boy says, 'I got you both beat.
My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'

He answered, 'Call for backup.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took
Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied,
'They couldn't get a babysitter.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of
one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said,
'Johnny, what is the matter?'

Little Johnny responded,
'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl walked to and from school daily.
Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming,
she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up,
along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as
she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child.

Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child's school.

As she did, she saw her little girl walking along. 

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.

More lightning followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called,
"What are you doing?"

The child answered,
"I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.