Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

What do you call bears with no ears?
B

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What do dentists call X-rays?
Tooth pics.

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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.

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What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.

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When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is apparent.

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What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!

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How did the bullet lose its job?
It got fired.

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Why should you never trust stairs?
They are always up to something.

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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.

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What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!

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Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.

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Which bird has the worst manners?
Mocking birds.

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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

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What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!

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How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.

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How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Ten tickles.

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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire

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Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve

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The old woman turned sadly to her friend and said,
"The spark's gone out of our marriage, Flo.
These days, in bed, I bring out the animal in Alfred.
He runs to the door, scratching and whining to get out."

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Old Abe was talking to his next door neighbor.

"While I was at work, my wife caught a Peeping Tom last night
just as she was getting ready for bed.
Phew! She was so angry, she beat him black and blue."

"I'm not surprised. It's a dreadful feeling to think that someone
was watching you as you got undressed."

"No, no, it wasn't that. It was when he tried to close the curtains."

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"Colin," she whispered, nudging him in the ribs to wake him up.
"I can hear noises downstairs, I think we've got burglars. Go and see."

But Colin refused to move.

"What's happened to you?" she hissed.
"You were brave when you married me."

"I know," he replied, "that's what all my friends said."

....and then the fight started.