If You Are Wondering
Most seniors never get enough exercise.
In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so
they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things
thus doing more walking.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need.
In His wisdom He made seniors lose
coordination so they would drop things
requiring them to bend, reach and stretch.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors
would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom,
thus providing more exercise.
God looked down and saw that it was
good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up
and down more, remember its Gods will.
It is all in your best interest even though you
mutter under your breath.
Nine Important Facts To Remember As We
Grow Older
09 Death is the number 1 killer in the
world.
08 Life is sexually transmitted.
07 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
06 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and
hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart.
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a
sandwich.
05 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
04 Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in the hospital, dying of
nothing.
03 All of us could take a lesson from the
weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
02 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
01 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.
What you do today may be a burning issue
tomorrow.
(Don't ignore this message. This is your only
warning.)
![[Image: EXikNg5.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/EXikNg5.jpg)
![[Image: K7NA1Ia.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/K7NA1Ia.jpg)
![[Image: AOV34Zj.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/AOV34Zj.jpg)
Most seniors never get enough exercise.
In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so
they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things
thus doing more walking.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need.
In His wisdom He made seniors lose
coordination so they would drop things
requiring them to bend, reach and stretch.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors
would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom,
thus providing more exercise.
God looked down and saw that it was
good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up
and down more, remember its Gods will.
It is all in your best interest even though you
mutter under your breath.
Nine Important Facts To Remember As We
Grow Older
09 Death is the number 1 killer in the
world.
08 Life is sexually transmitted.
07 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
06 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and
hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart.
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a
sandwich.
05 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
04 Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in the hospital, dying of
nothing.
03 All of us could take a lesson from the
weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
02 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
01 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.
What you do today may be a burning issue
tomorrow.
(Don't ignore this message. This is your only
warning.)
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father.
He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker.
If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and
if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door,
and watch from where they’re hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table.
He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down.
He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down.
He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket,
grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
“Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father.
“He’s going to be a politician!”
**********
”One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House.
President Bush asks him,
“George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,”
Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears in the Oval Office.
“Tom,” Bush asks,
“What is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
Jefferson advises Bush,
“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government.”
Bush stays awake the next night and Abraham Lincoln’s ghost appears.
“Abe,” Bush says,
“What is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
Honest Abe answers,
“Take the night off and go see a play.”
**********
A soccer hooligan appears before a judge. He is charged with
disorderly conduct and assault after a match.
The arresting officer states that the accused had thrown something
into the river not far from the stadium.
“What exactly did the accused throw into the river?”
the judge asks.
“Stones, sir,”
the officer replies.
The judge is confused.
“Well, that’s hardly an offense, officer.”
“It was in this case, sir,”
the officer explains.
“Stones was the name of the referee.”
**********
I've seen a bear open a door, climb a ladder, play a horn and ride a bike
but I still don't believe it can make porridge.
**********
How many government workers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to insist the light bulb has been taken care of
and the other to screw it into a faucet.
**********
A tour guide is leading a group around the Washington, D.C., area
when they come to a spot on the Potomac River.
“This is where George Washington allegedly threw a dollar across the river,”
the guide tells the group.
“That’s impossible,” says one skeptical tourist.
“No one could ever throw a dollar that far.”
The guide tells the man,
“Well, you have to keep in mind that money went a lot farther in those days.”
**********
Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom, when Hillary wakes and starts shaking Bill.
Bill groggily opens his eyes and says,
“Honey, it’s 3 A.M. What do you want?”
“I have to use the bathroom,”
Hillary replies.
Bill responds,
“Please tell me you didn’t wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom.”
“No,” Hillary says.
“I just wanted to tell you to save my spot.”
**********
A man is sitting at a bar during a costume party when a friend comes up to him and says,
“You were supposed to dress up like something that symbolized your love life.”
“I am,”
the man says.
“You look like Abe Lincoln,”
the friend responds.
“Yup,” he replies, taking a sip of beer.
“My last four scores were seven years ago.
**********
Yesterday I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree,
so I took it.
You never know when you might need a nail.
**********
You can never lose a homing pigeon –
if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back,
what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
**********
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?
I do.
**********
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet –
you can hide, but you can’t run.
**********
First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these,
I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics.
Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.
I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion,
besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through it !
It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
**********
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog.
The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart.
With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had.
I told her it was my service dog.
Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that.
What type of service?
I said he was a BLD.
By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly.
She said,
what is a BLD?
I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog.
She said Butt Licking Dog?
I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean
because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders.
The cashier completely lost it.
“I have an idea,” says the father.
He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker.
If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and
if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door,
and watch from where they’re hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table.
He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down.
He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down.
He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket,
grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
“Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father.
“He’s going to be a politician!”
**********
”One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House.
President Bush asks him,
“George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,”
Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears in the Oval Office.
“Tom,” Bush asks,
“What is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
Jefferson advises Bush,
“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government.”
Bush stays awake the next night and Abraham Lincoln’s ghost appears.
“Abe,” Bush says,
“What is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
Honest Abe answers,
“Take the night off and go see a play.”
**********
A soccer hooligan appears before a judge. He is charged with
disorderly conduct and assault after a match.
The arresting officer states that the accused had thrown something
into the river not far from the stadium.
“What exactly did the accused throw into the river?”
the judge asks.
“Stones, sir,”
the officer replies.
The judge is confused.
“Well, that’s hardly an offense, officer.”
“It was in this case, sir,”
the officer explains.
“Stones was the name of the referee.”
**********
I've seen a bear open a door, climb a ladder, play a horn and ride a bike
but I still don't believe it can make porridge.
**********
How many government workers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to insist the light bulb has been taken care of
and the other to screw it into a faucet.
**********
A tour guide is leading a group around the Washington, D.C., area
when they come to a spot on the Potomac River.
“This is where George Washington allegedly threw a dollar across the river,”
the guide tells the group.
“That’s impossible,” says one skeptical tourist.
“No one could ever throw a dollar that far.”
The guide tells the man,
“Well, you have to keep in mind that money went a lot farther in those days.”
**********
Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom, when Hillary wakes and starts shaking Bill.
Bill groggily opens his eyes and says,
“Honey, it’s 3 A.M. What do you want?”
“I have to use the bathroom,”
Hillary replies.
Bill responds,
“Please tell me you didn’t wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom.”
“No,” Hillary says.
“I just wanted to tell you to save my spot.”
**********
A man is sitting at a bar during a costume party when a friend comes up to him and says,
“You were supposed to dress up like something that symbolized your love life.”
“I am,”
the man says.
“You look like Abe Lincoln,”
the friend responds.
“Yup,” he replies, taking a sip of beer.
“My last four scores were seven years ago.
**********
Yesterday I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree,
so I took it.
You never know when you might need a nail.
**********
You can never lose a homing pigeon –
if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back,
what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
**********
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?
I do.
**********
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet –
you can hide, but you can’t run.
**********
First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these,
I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics.
Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.
I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion,
besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through it !
It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
**********
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog.
The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart.
With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had.
I told her it was my service dog.
Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that.
What type of service?
I said he was a BLD.
By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly.
She said,
what is a BLD?
I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog.
She said Butt Licking Dog?
I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean
because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders.
The cashier completely lost it.
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit