01-10-2021, 03:52 PM
There was an old man who lived by a forest.
As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair,
until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald.
That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent,
but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But
look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so
many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and
this forest will look as bald as my head."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued.
"Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one
in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same.
It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one,
and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and
pretty as it once was, all because of one man
and his re-seeding heirline.
*********
An old woman who’d been living on her own for many years was burgled one night.
They tied her up, ransacked the house and were just about to leave when
the boss turned to his accomplices and said,
“Wait outside, I reckon I’ll just give her something to remember me by.”
“Oh, come on, boss,” whined the others.
“Let’s just get out of here before there’s any trouble.”
Hearing this, the old woman interrupted.
“Now hold on, don’t you think you ought to leave it to the
boss to decide what to do?”
**********
As part of the preparations before surgery, an older woman went to see
her doctor and get all her charts.
The doctor asked her how she was doing,
so she gave him the litany of complaints—
this hurts, that’s stiff,
I’m tired and slower, she reported.
The doctor responded with,
“Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating.
After all, who wants to live to 100?”
The grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied,
“Anyone who’s 99.”
**********
A Few More Deep Thoughts
If you step on someone’s foot,
they open their mouth – just like a garbage bin.
Pregnant women are the only true body builders.
Shouldn’t a photographer who specializes in taking photos
of school classes be actually called a school shooter?
Why do people duck when it rains?
Do they think they will get less wet?
Searching for a new laptop online is basically
forcing your current computer to dig its own grave.
What if the spider I killed in my bedroom lived his whole life thinking
I was his roommate and died wondering
what brought on this psychotic break?
Why the hell is there an S in the word ‘lisp’?!
There are two kinds of people.
Some wash their dishes because they just ate;
the others wash their dishes because they are just about to eat.
Interesting, isn’t it, that
"take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.
My head is very slowly 3D printing my hair.
Sweater is a pretty disgusting name for a piece of clothing.
I and Bill Gates have a combined fortune of approximately 80 billion dollars.
How does the non-stick coating stick to the pan?!
If you’re waiting to be served in a restaurant,
shouldn’t you be called the waiter?
It would be very nice if the car navigation voice would get more
and more excited as you'd get closer to your destination.
The goal of golf is to play as little golf as possible.
Are those who sneeze the most blessed?
Has a giraffe ever smelled its own f@rt?
Is a paper cut the tree’s way of getting back at you?
I wonder what dirty talk looks like in sign language.
When a pregnant woman takes a bath,
she’s become a human submarine.
When you go to sleep at 4 am,
is it going to bed late or early?
If snails are so slow,
how come nobody sees them coming?
It’s always like bam,! There’s a snail.
As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair,
until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald.
That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent,
but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But
look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so
many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and
this forest will look as bald as my head."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued.
"Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one
in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same.
It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one,
and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and
pretty as it once was, all because of one man
and his re-seeding heirline.
*********
An old woman who’d been living on her own for many years was burgled one night.
They tied her up, ransacked the house and were just about to leave when
the boss turned to his accomplices and said,
“Wait outside, I reckon I’ll just give her something to remember me by.”
“Oh, come on, boss,” whined the others.
“Let’s just get out of here before there’s any trouble.”
Hearing this, the old woman interrupted.
“Now hold on, don’t you think you ought to leave it to the
boss to decide what to do?”
**********
As part of the preparations before surgery, an older woman went to see
her doctor and get all her charts.
The doctor asked her how she was doing,
so she gave him the litany of complaints—
this hurts, that’s stiff,
I’m tired and slower, she reported.
The doctor responded with,
“Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating.
After all, who wants to live to 100?”
The grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied,
“Anyone who’s 99.”
**********
A Few More Deep Thoughts
If you step on someone’s foot,
they open their mouth – just like a garbage bin.
Pregnant women are the only true body builders.
Shouldn’t a photographer who specializes in taking photos
of school classes be actually called a school shooter?
Why do people duck when it rains?
Do they think they will get less wet?
Searching for a new laptop online is basically
forcing your current computer to dig its own grave.
What if the spider I killed in my bedroom lived his whole life thinking
I was his roommate and died wondering
what brought on this psychotic break?
Why the hell is there an S in the word ‘lisp’?!
There are two kinds of people.
Some wash their dishes because they just ate;
the others wash their dishes because they are just about to eat.
Interesting, isn’t it, that
"take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.
My head is very slowly 3D printing my hair.
Sweater is a pretty disgusting name for a piece of clothing.
I and Bill Gates have a combined fortune of approximately 80 billion dollars.
How does the non-stick coating stick to the pan?!
If you’re waiting to be served in a restaurant,
shouldn’t you be called the waiter?
It would be very nice if the car navigation voice would get more
and more excited as you'd get closer to your destination.
The goal of golf is to play as little golf as possible.
Are those who sneeze the most blessed?
Has a giraffe ever smelled its own f@rt?
Is a paper cut the tree’s way of getting back at you?
I wonder what dirty talk looks like in sign language.
When a pregnant woman takes a bath,
she’s become a human submarine.
When you go to sleep at 4 am,
is it going to bed late or early?
If snails are so slow,
how come nobody sees them coming?
It’s always like bam,! There’s a snail.
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit