Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Today's global challenges require the North Pole
to continue to look for better,
more competitive steps.

Effective immediately, the following economy measures
are to take place in the
"Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained,
but the pear tree never turned out to be the
cash crop forecasted.
It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing
considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy ...
that is simply not cost effective.
In addition, their romance during working hours
could not be condoned.
The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact.
After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced
by an automated voice mail system, with a
call waiting option. An analysis is underway to
determine who the birds have been
calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold
by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity
could have negative implications for institutional investors.
Diversification into other precious metals as well as a
mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying
constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg
per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity.
Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the
selection procedure by personnel will assure management
that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming
is obviously a number chosen in better times.
Their function is primarily decorative.
Mechanical swans are on order.
The current swans will be retrained to learn some
new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept
has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC.
A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.
The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job
with no upward mobility.
Automation of the process may permit the
maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing
has always been an odd number.
This function will be phased out as
these individuals grow older and can
no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping
is overkill.
The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international
air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen.
While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings
are significant because we expect an oversupply of
unemployed congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers piping and
twelve drummers drumming
is a simple case of the band getting too big.
A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on
new music and no uniforms will produce savings which
will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in
assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses.
Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days is inefficient.
If we can drop ship in one day,
service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorneys association
seeking expansion to include the
legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"),
action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts
may be necessary in the future to stay competitive.
Should that happen, the Board will request management
to scrutinize the Snow White Division
to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.



Merry Christmas