Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John,
who throughout his high school career had never lost a match.

As he went on into college he continued undefeated.
He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and
unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up
between the two, America versus Russia.

The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately.

Every day his coach would tell him,
“This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip.
No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip.
DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip!!”

The day of the match finally came.

Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the
capacity crowd, the coach once again said,
“Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip.
No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip!"

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the
Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and
cursed John for not listening to his advice.

All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of
USA USA USA.

He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John.

The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him,
“I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip
I looked away.
How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him,
“Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in
ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when
I open my eyes and right in front of me were
two testicles.
So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach...
“John I don’t think that is legal.
You could be disqualified”

“I don’t know about that coach." said John,
But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how
strong you are until you bite your own testicles!!”



***************


An old prospector shuffled into the town
of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town,
to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and
clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun
in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
"Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!"
and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off,
started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing..

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing,
holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled
12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too,
and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at
the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12-gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands,
as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,
"No sir... but.... I've always wanted to"