12-12-2020, 08:09 PM
On Saturday I took the wife out for a few drinks.
I pointed over at another couple night sitting at a table and said to my wife, "do you see that couple over there? She gives him a kiss every few minutes. Why don't you do that?"
She replied, "That sounds great, but I don't even know him."
And that's when the fight started.
I was out for dinner with my wife at our local bistro.
The waiter, comes up to us and asks me what we would like for our mains.
"I would like T-Bone steak, medium please"
He replied, "Are you not concerned about the mad cow?"
To which I then said "No, she will order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....
It was a lovely warm sunny summer Sunday so I decided to drive my family to the seaside.
After driving for a while the children started getting restless and asked "Where's the beech daddy?".
I replied, "She is right beside me in the passenger seat"
And that's when the fight started.
My wife kept playing with her wedding ring so I asked her, “honey, why do you keep turning and twisting your ring?”
To which she replied, “I am trying to figure out the combination.”
And that’s when the fight started!
My husband and I were lying under the bed covers when he touched my back, I said, "that feels great." He continued to touch my leg, I then said, "wow, you know that feels even better."
Then all at once he stopped. I asked him, "why did you stop darling?"
He replied, "I found the remote."
And that’s when the fight started.
It has been raining cats and dogs all week and my husband is really starting to get frustrated and angry. He just keeps standing by the window, staring at us.
If this continues, I am going to have to let him in.
And that’s when the fight started!
I went shopping with my wife to buy me some new business shirts but found that the largest size the store had was still too tight.
I asked my wife, "Where do I go from here?"
My wife replied, "Straight to the gym!"
And that's when the fight started.
The other day my husband was having a few beers and said to me, " I am the man of this house. You will wash, cook and clean. You will also rub my feet and shoulders!"
He then went on to ask me "Now can you guess who is going to help me dress?"
To which I replied " the Funeral Director?"
And that's when the fight started.
My youngest son asked my husband, “Dad, what is an alcoholic?”
He replied, “Do you see those 4 trees? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
My son responded, “But dad there are only 2 trees.”
And that’s when the fight started.
The other day my youngest son asked my husband, "Father I heard at school that in parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her, is this true?"
My husband looked him square in the eyes and replied, "Son, that happens in every country."
And that's when the fight started.
My husband was recently stopped by a police officer who said, “Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge – you win $10,000!
What will you do with that money?”
My husband gets very emotional and says, “First of all, I’ll finally obtain my driver’s license!” I cut in and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s still drunk!”
My mother in law says from the back seat, “I knew we shouldn’t have taken this stolen car!” And my cousin in the trunk asks, “Hey, are we past the border now?”
And that’s when the fight started!
I pointed over at another couple night sitting at a table and said to my wife, "do you see that couple over there? She gives him a kiss every few minutes. Why don't you do that?"
She replied, "That sounds great, but I don't even know him."
And that's when the fight started.
I was out for dinner with my wife at our local bistro.
The waiter, comes up to us and asks me what we would like for our mains.
"I would like T-Bone steak, medium please"
He replied, "Are you not concerned about the mad cow?"
To which I then said "No, she will order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....
It was a lovely warm sunny summer Sunday so I decided to drive my family to the seaside.
After driving for a while the children started getting restless and asked "Where's the beech daddy?".
I replied, "She is right beside me in the passenger seat"
And that's when the fight started.
My wife kept playing with her wedding ring so I asked her, “honey, why do you keep turning and twisting your ring?”
To which she replied, “I am trying to figure out the combination.”
And that’s when the fight started!
My husband and I were lying under the bed covers when he touched my back, I said, "that feels great." He continued to touch my leg, I then said, "wow, you know that feels even better."
Then all at once he stopped. I asked him, "why did you stop darling?"
He replied, "I found the remote."
And that’s when the fight started.
It has been raining cats and dogs all week and my husband is really starting to get frustrated and angry. He just keeps standing by the window, staring at us.
If this continues, I am going to have to let him in.
And that’s when the fight started!
I went shopping with my wife to buy me some new business shirts but found that the largest size the store had was still too tight.
I asked my wife, "Where do I go from here?"
My wife replied, "Straight to the gym!"
And that's when the fight started.
The other day my husband was having a few beers and said to me, " I am the man of this house. You will wash, cook and clean. You will also rub my feet and shoulders!"
He then went on to ask me "Now can you guess who is going to help me dress?"
To which I replied " the Funeral Director?"
And that's when the fight started.
My youngest son asked my husband, “Dad, what is an alcoholic?”
He replied, “Do you see those 4 trees? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
My son responded, “But dad there are only 2 trees.”
And that’s when the fight started.
The other day my youngest son asked my husband, "Father I heard at school that in parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her, is this true?"
My husband looked him square in the eyes and replied, "Son, that happens in every country."
And that's when the fight started.
My husband was recently stopped by a police officer who said, “Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge – you win $10,000!
What will you do with that money?”
My husband gets very emotional and says, “First of all, I’ll finally obtain my driver’s license!” I cut in and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s still drunk!”
My mother in law says from the back seat, “I knew we shouldn’t have taken this stolen car!” And my cousin in the trunk asks, “Hey, are we past the border now?”
And that’s when the fight started!
It is Well with My Soul