Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

The party’s host paid me a great compliment.

“You are a good-looking woman,” he said.
“Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband
interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”

And then the fight started.


*************************************


Every night, Harry goes out drinking.
And every night, his wife, Louise, yells at him.

One day, one of Louise’s friends suggests that she try
a different tack.

“Welcome him home with a kiss and some loving words,”
she says. “He might change his ways.”

That night, Harry stumbles back home as usual.
But instead of berating him, Louise helps him into an easy
chair, puts his feet up on the ottoman, removes his shoes,
and gently massages his neck.

“It’s late,” she whispers. “I think we should go upstairs
to bed now, don’t you?”

“Might as well,” says Harry.
“I’ll get in trouble if I go home.”

And then the fight started....


***************************************


A commercial boasted that its product could help people live
pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her.
“But you are yellowing fast.”

And then the fight started.


***************************************



I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year
with a severe bout of jet lag–induced foot-in-mouth disease.

As we prepared to go to sleep that night, I wrapped my arms around my
better half, gave her a kiss, and announced,

“It’s good to be in my own bed, with my own wife!”

And then the fight started.....


***************************************


As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient,
I warned her,

“After this, you can’t have sex for at least three days.”

“Did you hear that?” she asked her husband.
“No sex for three days.”

“I heard,” he said.
“But she was speaking to you.”


And then the fight started.