Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A man runs into a bar.

Panting, he tells the barkeep,
“Give me ten shots of your best whiskey—quick!”

So the barkeep sets them up and the
man knocks them all back in seconds.

“Why you drinking so fast?” asks the barkeep.

“You’d drink fast too, if you had what I have,” says the man.

“Why, what do you have?” asks the barkeep.

“Only twelve cents.”


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This cowboy walks into a bar.

His hat is made of brown wrapping paper.
His shirt and vest are made of waxed paper.
And his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper.
Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.


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A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder.

The cat is wearing a little baseball cap.

“Hey, that’s neat,” says the bartender.
“Where did you get that?”

“France,” the kitty says.
“They’ve got millions of them!”

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An amnesiac walks into a bar.

He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says,
“So, do I come here often?”

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Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: One has claws and the end of its paws,
and the other is a pause at the ends of a clause.


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Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman…

She went into labor and started shouting,
“Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?

She was having contractions.

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Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.

It could spell disaster.


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When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?

Nobody knew why.

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Q: How many mystery writers does it take to
change a light bulb?

A: Two.
One to screw the bulb almost all the way in,
and one to give a surprising twist at the end.