Those are absolutely hilarious Daisy ...
So... This is what children's books are coming to...
Lady reading Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber
during quarantine
****************************
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been
born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under
his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wow, this is great,” he thought.
It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it
he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits, all free
and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped.
Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass.
It tasted so good.
“What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there?
It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”
This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most
succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”
“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well.”
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.
“It’s fantastic out here in the world,” he told them.
“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised.
“Why? We thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” the rabbit replied. “But I must get back to the lab.
I’m dying for a cigarette.”
*****************************
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up,
walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand,
he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her
husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said,
'This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.
Can you do this?'
'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays,
but on Fridays, I golf.'
**********************************8
A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says,
'Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about saying things
that don't come out the way we meant them to?'
The psychiatrist replies, 'You mean Freudian slips?'
'Exactly, those. Well, I had the most amazing one last night.
I was eating dinner with my husband, and I meant to say,
'Honey, could you please pass the salt,' but instead I said,
'You damn fool, you ruined my life.''
************************************
![[Image: Phone-out-of-service.jpg]](https://friarsclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Phone-out-of-service.jpg)
***********************************
Silence is golden...
Unless you have children...
If that is the case, silence is suspicious.
***********************************
![[Image: Honesty-on-the-internet.jpg]](https://friarsclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Honesty-on-the-internet.jpg)
***********************************
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago.
For this particular trip, he decided to bring his wife.
When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said:
“You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.”
So, his wife lies down on the bed…and just then, an elevated train passes
by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown
out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down
once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.
The manager says he’ll be right up.
The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
“Look, lie here on the bed – you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”
So he lies down next to the wife…
Just then the husband walks in.
“What,” he says in an ominous tone, “are you doing here?”
The manager replies:
“Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”
***********************************
COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE:6
Dear Mother-in-law,
Don't teach me how to handle my children.
I am living with one of yours and he
needs a lot of improvement!?
***********************************
A prospective husband in a book store
“Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’'
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”
***********************************
Pharmacist to customer:
“Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you
need a proper prescription.
Simply showing your marriage certificate and
wife’s picture is not enough!'
***********************************
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone,
come in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
“No thank you.” she said politely.
“This may sound rather odd in this day and age,
but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”
“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.
“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said.
“But, it has my husband pretty upset.”
**********************************
![[Image: i0rXb5v.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/i0rXb5v.jpg)
**********************************
![[Image: xzLXA4f.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/xzLXA4f.jpg)
**********************************
![[Image: Csp0pkN.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/Csp0pkN.jpg)
The dogs all had a party
They came from near and far
And some dogs came by aeroplane
And some by motor car
And when they arrived
Each one had a look
And each had to take his arsehole off
And hang it on a hook
And hardly were they seated there
Each mother, son and sire,
When a dirty little yellow dog
Began to holler ´Fire!´
Out they rushed in panic
They didn't stop to look
Each dog he grabbed an arsehole
From off the nearest hook
And that's the reason why you see
On walking down the street
Each dog will stop and swap a smell
With every dog he meets
And that's the reason why a dog
Will leave a good fat bone
To go and smell an arsehole
In the hope it is its own
Lady reading Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber
during quarantine
****************************
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been
born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under
his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wow, this is great,” he thought.
It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it
he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits, all free
and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped.
Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass.
It tasted so good.
“What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there?
It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”
This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most
succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”
“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well.”
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.
“It’s fantastic out here in the world,” he told them.
“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised.
“Why? We thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” the rabbit replied. “But I must get back to the lab.
I’m dying for a cigarette.”
*****************************
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up,
walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand,
he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her
husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said,
'This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.
Can you do this?'
'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays,
but on Fridays, I golf.'
**********************************8
A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says,
'Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about saying things
that don't come out the way we meant them to?'
The psychiatrist replies, 'You mean Freudian slips?'
'Exactly, those. Well, I had the most amazing one last night.
I was eating dinner with my husband, and I meant to say,
'Honey, could you please pass the salt,' but instead I said,
'You damn fool, you ruined my life.''
************************************
***********************************
Silence is golden...
Unless you have children...
If that is the case, silence is suspicious.
***********************************
***********************************
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago.
For this particular trip, he decided to bring his wife.
When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said:
“You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.”
So, his wife lies down on the bed…and just then, an elevated train passes
by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown
out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down
once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.
The manager says he’ll be right up.
The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
“Look, lie here on the bed – you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”
So he lies down next to the wife…
Just then the husband walks in.
“What,” he says in an ominous tone, “are you doing here?”
The manager replies:
“Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”
***********************************
COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE:6
Dear Mother-in-law,
Don't teach me how to handle my children.
I am living with one of yours and he
needs a lot of improvement!?
***********************************
A prospective husband in a book store
“Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’'
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”
***********************************
Pharmacist to customer:
“Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you
need a proper prescription.
Simply showing your marriage certificate and
wife’s picture is not enough!'
***********************************
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone,
come in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
“No thank you.” she said politely.
“This may sound rather odd in this day and age,
but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”
“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.
“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said.
“But, it has my husband pretty upset.”
**********************************
**********************************
**********************************
The dogs all had a party
They came from near and far
And some dogs came by aeroplane
And some by motor car
And when they arrived
Each one had a look
And each had to take his arsehole off
And hang it on a hook
And hardly were they seated there
Each mother, son and sire,
When a dirty little yellow dog
Began to holler ´Fire!´
Out they rushed in panic
They didn't stop to look
Each dog he grabbed an arsehole
From off the nearest hook
And that's the reason why you see
On walking down the street
Each dog will stop and swap a smell
With every dog he meets
And that's the reason why a dog
Will leave a good fat bone
To go and smell an arsehole
In the hope it is its own
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit