Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

It was the usual day at our bank.
A woman came up to customer service and demanded,
“What do I have to do to change the address on my account?”

Without looking up, I replied, “Move.”

************************

The 60th High School Reunion

He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years,
having been high school classmates and having attended
class reunions in the past, without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow
made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening,
their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table . . .
and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her,
'Will you marry me?

After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, 'Yes.... yes I will!'

Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower.

However, the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say Yes or did she say No?
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just
could not recall.

He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening,
but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question,
but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.

First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage,
he then inquired of her,
'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?

'Why you silly man, she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will!
And I meant it with all my heart!'

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. 'And I'm so glad you called, because
I couldn't remember who asked me”.



************************

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica:
'What part of the human body increases to 10 times
it's normal size when excited?'

Jessica responds: 'That's disgusting! I don't have to
answer that question!'

So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds:
'That's easy...the pupil of the eye.'

'That's correct, Johnny. Very good!'

And turning to Jessica, she says:
'I've three things to say to you, young lady...
first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a
dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!'



************************

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line-up in a straight row,
totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted,
nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they
were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them
would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off,
clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up... and all the other bells started to ring.


************************

Did They All Live Happily Ever After?

Cinderella was now 75 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat
upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch,
with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived
a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant
you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration,
almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish:

“I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was
stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered
to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your
heart desire for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said:

“I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage
returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant
for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course
through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke:
“You have one more wish, what will you have?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said:

“I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and
handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his
biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a
boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had
ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from
the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke:

“Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!”

And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly
perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her
rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms.
He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair
with his warm breath:

“I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”