Me and the wife took the kids to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk,
the kids were getting tired from being in the car for hours and said,
"Where's the Beech?"
I said said,
"She is right beside me, in the front seat."
That's when the fight started.....
*******************************
![[Image: rG8xlbN.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/rG8xlbN.jpg)
![[Image: S1MxMxl.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/S1MxMxl.jpg)
*******************************
![[Image: 005MCIE.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/005MCIE.jpg)
![[Image: Es7p29t.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/Es7p29t.jpg)
********************************
A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband
in bed with a young and attractive woman.
The woman yelled at her husband in anger:
“You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!?
I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to
you all these years! I want a divorce now!”
The husband answered:
“Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.”
“All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife
waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one,
“But these are your last words.”
Her husband started recalling:
“Today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked
me for a ride. I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes
covered in muck and mud.
She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days. She looked worse for wear so I took
pity on her and let her into the car. In my mercy for her, instead of taking her
straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a
plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which
you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’."
“She devoured it in seconds.”
“Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.While she showered,
I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new
clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’."
“I also gave her some underwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because
‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.”
“I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’.
And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work
had the same pair’.”
The husband took a deep breath and continued…
“She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door
she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…”
“You’re such a great person! Is there anything
else your wife doesn’t use?”
And that's when the fight started ...
****************************
THE ARAB DOG VS. THE ISRAELI DOG
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end
up destroying the whole world.
So, they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice:
a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This 'duel' would be a dog fight.
The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting
dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule
the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.
The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world.
They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves.
They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and
killed all the other puppies.
They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.
After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage.
Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.
When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very
strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought
this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp.
All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.
As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.
The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.
As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and
swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite.
There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail
floating to the ground.
The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let
out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.
The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief.
'We do not understand,' said their leader, 'Our top scientists and breeders worked for
5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves,
and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!'
The Israelis replied. 'Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons
from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'
the kids were getting tired from being in the car for hours and said,
"Where's the Beech?"
I said said,
"She is right beside me, in the front seat."
That's when the fight started.....
*******************************
*******************************
********************************
A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband
in bed with a young and attractive woman.
The woman yelled at her husband in anger:
“You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!?
I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to
you all these years! I want a divorce now!”
The husband answered:
“Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.”
“All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife
waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one,
“But these are your last words.”
Her husband started recalling:
“Today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked
me for a ride. I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes
covered in muck and mud.
She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days. She looked worse for wear so I took
pity on her and let her into the car. In my mercy for her, instead of taking her
straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a
plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which
you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’."
“She devoured it in seconds.”
“Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.While she showered,
I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new
clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’."
“I also gave her some underwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because
‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.”
“I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’.
And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work
had the same pair’.”
The husband took a deep breath and continued…
“She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door
she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…”
“You’re such a great person! Is there anything
else your wife doesn’t use?”
And that's when the fight started ...
****************************
THE ARAB DOG VS. THE ISRAELI DOG
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end
up destroying the whole world.
So, they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice:
a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This 'duel' would be a dog fight.
The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting
dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule
the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.
The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world.
They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves.
They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and
killed all the other puppies.
They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.
After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage.
Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.
When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very
strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought
this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp.
All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.
As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.
The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.
As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and
swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite.
There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail
floating to the ground.
The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let
out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.
The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief.
'We do not understand,' said their leader, 'Our top scientists and breeders worked for
5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves,
and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!'
The Israelis replied. 'Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons
from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit