Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.

He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something
glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron
in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge" Joe shouted.
"You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

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Vinny Calabrese, right off the boat from Italy,
was excited about being accepted at Harvard University.

On his first day on campus, he was walking around looking for the library.
He saw an upperclassman standing by a tree, walked up to him and said,

"Hey piasano, coulda you tella me where isa da library at?"

The upperclassman said, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition.
Would you like to rephrase that question?"

"OK, fora you, no problem, Piasano," said the Italian.
"Tella me, do you know where isa da library at, youa a$$hole?"


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While two families were waiting in line to enter the museum,
their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam" replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied "My daddy is a lawyer".

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind" replied Adam.



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Bob got dragged along to a club one night with the wife.

There was a guy on the dance floor going mental, twerking, breakdancing,
spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the lot. He was the centre of attention.

My wife turned to me and said "See that guy? 25 years ago,
he proposed to me and I turned him down".

I said "Yeah? I see he's still celebrating!"

(and that's when the fight started)


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Recently, a man stopped at my desk at the library asking for help.

A woman had breastfed her infant and forgotten to "tuck herself back in".

I walked over to Lady Godiva and as tactfully as I could, said

"Ma'am, I'm very sorry, but we don't allow open drink containers in the library".


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A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner one evening.

"Son, where were you today?"

"Son says " at school dad."

Robot slaps the son!

"OK, I watched a dvd at my mates!"

"What dvd?" asks the dad.

"Toy story."

Robot slaps the son again!"

"OK, it was a porno film." cries the son.

"What! When I was your age I didn't know what a
porno film was" says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."

Robot slaps The mum!


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An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars
in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down,
rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled,

"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...

"Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"
She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings
and her clothes and quickly parted.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked,
"What did she roll?"

The other answered,

"I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks,

Not all blondes are dumb,

But boys will be boys !!

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