Need social support, and can’t get any

[Chaitai]

I am very socially isolated, and am finding it unbearable

I have been extremely disabled for eleven years, ever since my liver suddenly went bad. By being extremely proactive in my health care, I have managed to stay alive. (Barely.)  But, this sort of illness generally gets worse, not better, and I am not able to do much of anything. I have to spend a lot of time resting in bed. I need a ton of sleep, and also spend a lot of time lying down daydreaming or listening to music. Currently, I can sit up for part of the day, but leaving the house is difficult, and i can only do it once a week or so. Other people go to work and talk to coworkers, and maybe get lunch together with a fellow employee, but I just don’t have that in my life at all. 

I am well enough to meet someone for coffee maybe every week or two, and most days, there is at least an hour or so I can talk via phone. The problem is, I have no one to do these things with. Whenever I suggest to a local friend that we go for coffee, or text a friend further away and suggest catching up via phone, they almost invariably say they are busy. They generally say they might have some time in a month or two. Then, the month or two passes and they don’t get back to me. If I contact them again, they say they are still busy.  I don’t think they are avoiding me, because when I do manage to meet up with one of them, we almost always have a great time, and they say how much they want to meet up again.
 
Time after time, I have had wonderful lunches or dinners with friends where they say how great it was to see me. Then, they get a new job (one friend moved from the US to Australia) or have a baby, and I never hear from them again. Over the years, I have lost more and more friends, and now I am barely in contact with anyone at all, except via Facebook.

I think if my friends knew how lonely I was, they would make more on an effort to contact me. But, I don’t know how to tell them. A few years ago, I posted on Facebook that I would really like phone calls, emails, and cards from my friends. I didn’t get a single one. I am tempted to be much more direct, to say that the social isolation is so bad that I want to kill myself. But, that sounds manipulative and stalkerish.  What should I do?

This will all pass, the important thing is to stay positive. I suffer from anxiety, and have a hard time socializing with people. I know it is not similar, but what I find is to really focus on one self - stay positive - figure out the best way to perhaps make new friends or find something positive to do. I notice meetup groups help a lot, as you do not spend more than a few times a month, you also meet new people who you can bond with a different scale. Previous friends yes get busy and have new lives, and it can be a burden.

We are all here for one another, and hopefully soon when I am able to PM - I would be more than glad to give you more advice, and help and emotional support. I think emotional support is very key.

A lot of these things are easier said than done, but if you find certain hobbies for the hours that you can leave the house, you are bound to find something interesting to do.

Cheers and all the best,