01-06-2019, 02:26 PM
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words:
COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
However:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!
*****************************************************
Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says "Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue!!"
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chose to ignore the husband.
Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie, do you?!?!"
*****************************************************
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who :
1) Wouldn't beat on her,
2) Wouldn't run around on her,
and
3) Would be great in bed.
The next day, she heard the doorbell ring.
She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run around on you".
She said, "Yes, that true and all, but are you good in bed?"
He just smirked and said, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
*****************************************************
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled
"I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven-round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife".
A voice from the back of the room called out "You need more ammo!"
*****************************************************
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine" replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards".
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said. "Grandpa pay the man".
*****************************************************
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”
She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.”
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies,“I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
*****************************************************
Doctor to Lady, during her medical examination:
"Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are all fine.
Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
Lady started taking off her clothes . . .
Doctor stopping her: "No! No! Please don't remove your clothes..
JUST SHOW ME YOUR TONGUE!"
*****************************************************
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him
"Daddy, what's sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.
He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs.
He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...
and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.
Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mummy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
However:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!
*****************************************************
Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says "Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue!!"
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chose to ignore the husband.
Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie, do you?!?!"
*****************************************************
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who :
1) Wouldn't beat on her,
2) Wouldn't run around on her,
and
3) Would be great in bed.
The next day, she heard the doorbell ring.
She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run around on you".
She said, "Yes, that true and all, but are you good in bed?"
He just smirked and said, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
*****************************************************
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled
"I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven-round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife".
A voice from the back of the room called out "You need more ammo!"
*****************************************************
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine" replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards".
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said. "Grandpa pay the man".
*****************************************************
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”
She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.”
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies,“I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
*****************************************************
Doctor to Lady, during her medical examination:
"Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are all fine.
Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
Lady started taking off her clothes . . .
Doctor stopping her: "No! No! Please don't remove your clothes..
JUST SHOW ME YOUR TONGUE!"
*****************************************************
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him
"Daddy, what's sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.
He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs.
He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...
and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.
Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mummy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit