09-27-2018, 09:43 PM
I'm past the initial BZD withdrawal stage and into PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms). Except I don't know if I'm actually going through Paws or if this is just depression/anxiety that has returned even worse from before I started taking the buggers. After all we are all self-medicating here for something. I know after 3 months, 6 months a year...thinfs will feel better...but right this second I feel simultaneously so numb and so low. My relationships are becoming stilted with friends and family because I struggle to even talk to anyone at the moment, it's too anxiety inducing to mess age people, reply to people or even leave my house to see people. I went to the gym earlier and worked out first thing this morning but I didn't get any 'feelgood' dopamine hits I would usually get. Aside from. That I'm just going through the motions of going to work the two days I'm there, getting the job done and coming home. I know if I take a benzo right now I would be able to talk to friends and family, I would be able to have an active social life like before, I would be able to live without fear. And that would be great. For a month. And then mental instability would arise again and I'd be at square 1, or even square - 1. With withdrawal from benzos you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I feel like I'm trapped in my own mind and the clock is ticking so slowly for my prison sentence to be up.
Sorry for the rant, just having a pity party. I wish I'd never discovered how amazing benzos are because if there were because if the side effects came with much less severity, I would probably be on them for the rest of my days. This isn't a life I have right now.
Sorry for the rant, just having a pity party. I wish I'd never discovered how amazing benzos are because if there were because if the side effects came with much less severity, I would probably be on them for the rest of my days. This isn't a life I have right now.