Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess immediately said, "Heavens No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after,

and rode motorcycles

and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women,

and hunted and fished and raced cars,

and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age

and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan,

and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders

and kept his house and guns, and ate spam, potato chips and beans,

blew enormous farts,

and never got cheated on while he was at work,

and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell,

and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up .

The End.

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When you're over 70 AND I JUST DON’T CARE!

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This fat, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my butt and said, "You're kind of cute; you gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah. You gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I gotta pen."

I said, "You’d better get back in it before the farmer misses you!"

Cost me six stitches, but when you’re over seventy, who cares?

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Me: "Give me three packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, Sir?"

Me: "Nah… she's pretty good looking."

When you’re over seventy, who cares?

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I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and a haircut, you'd look alright."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there, instead of you."

She split my upper lip, but when you’re over seventy, who cares?

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I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really?" she said, "Go on then... try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

She cracked one of my front teeth, but when you’re over seventy, who cares?

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I was caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

But when you’re over seventy, who cares?

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I went to the bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said "Great legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

She knocked me under that table, but when you’re over seventy….??
YOU JUST DON’T CARE


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