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Humorous Smilies - Printable Version

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RE: Humorous Smilies - IceWizard - 05-18-2016

Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer :

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding On U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.

I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.

The lady took out the required information and handed it to me. In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit.

I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want to ask if she had any other firearms.

She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console..

Now I had to ask one more time if that was all.

She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.

I then asked her what was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said,

"Not a f*****g thing!"

RE: Humorous Smilies - Popster - 05-18-2016

great answer by the little old ladySmile

RE: Humorous Smilies - Charon - 05-18-2016

oh, man. i wish she were my friend. we could go cruising together. and no one would f ing bother us!

RE: Humorous Smilies - IceWizard - 05-18-2016

The Bully

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength.

He made a special target of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said,

"All right. Get in."

RE: Humorous Smilies - Popster - 05-18-2016

Yessin Deedee.......smarts over strength, anytime, day or night Rolleyes

RE: Humorous Smilies - IceWizard - 05-19-2016

Just Might Work!

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SouthEast Texas Weenie Roast

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Now For A Few 'Deep Thoughts' For Today

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more- talented fool.

I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

He who laughs last... thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have mow it.

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep in.

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

RE: Humorous Smilies - Popster - 05-20-2016

.........................

   

RE: Humorous Smilies - IceWizard - 05-20-2016

Ha Ha ... Now it seems I've met her.... Wink

Good one Pops...

Ice

RE: Humorous Smilies - IceWizard - 05-20-2016

No mention of the seven dwarves

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The Cat in the Hat Says:

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Anybody Lose a Cat?

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Shortsided Case

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No Comment

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Finally... Somebody figured it out!!

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So... What exactly ARE you saying?

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Now this don't make any sense

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RE: Humorous Smilies - Charon - 05-20-2016

Quite good, Ice. thank you.