Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

*****

Some  Boy  Scouts  from  the  city  were  on  a  camping  trip. 
The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under
their blankets to avoid being bitten.

Then one of the scouts saw some lightning bugs
and said to his friend,
“We might as well give up.
They’re coming after us with flashlights.”


*****


My cat is so smart.
He eats cheese, then waits at the
mouse hole with baited breath.


*****


Boy:
Could you sell me a shark?

Pet-shop owner:
Why do you want a shark?

Boy:
My cat keeps trying to eat my goldfish,
and I want to teach him a lesson.


*****


Frank:
Did you hear about the guy who was
arrested at the zoo for feeding the pigeons?

Harry:
No. What’s wrong with feeding the pigeons?

Frank:
He fed them to the lions.


*****


If baby pigs are called piglets,
why aren’t baby bulls called bullets and
baby chickens chicklets?


*****


What grows up while it grows down?
A baby duckling.

*****


Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can hunt knights.


*****


Heading  into  the  jungle  on  his  first  safari, 
the  American  visitor  was confident  he 
could  handle  any  emergency. 

He  sidled  up  to  the experienced  native  guide  and 
said  smugly, 
“I  know  that  carrying  a torch will keep lions away.”

“That’s  true,” 
the  guide  replied. 
“But  it  depends  on  how  fast  you carry the torch.”

*****


A  mother’s  bachelor  son  invited  her  over  for  a  meal. 

He  had  just gotten two new dogs
and wanted his mom to see them.

When  she  sat  down  at  the  table, 
she  noticed  that  the  dishes  were the dirtiest that she
had ever seen in her life.

“Have these dishes ever been washed?”
she asked, running her fingers over the grit and grime.

“They’re as clean as soap and water could get them,”
he answered.

She felt a bit apprehensive but started eating anyway.

The  food  was  really  delicious, 
and  she  said  so,  despite  the  dirty dishes.

When  dinner  was  over,  her  son  took  the  dishes, 
put  them  on  the floor, whistled, and yelled,
“Here, Soap! Here, Water!”

I'm trying to get this down
but I have serious doubts