I believe this particular Beer wouldn't make it without
a couple-0-fights over here... It's from Iceland

Pronounced Beer-B!tch











**********


A man tried to smuggle a puppy into the country and
avoid the quarantine laws, but accidentally drew attention
to himself as he tried to walk casually through customs.

He had put the dog down his trousers, but every time he took a step,
his whole body would shake and he kept making little moaning sounds.

"Excuse me, sir, is there anything wrong?"
inquired the customs official.

"Yes, officer,"
gasped the man in a strangled voice.
"I tried to smuggle a puppy into the country by putting it down my trousers."

"Oh, yes?"
smiled the officer knowingly.
"You've just discovered it's not house-trained, have you?"

"No,"
replied the agitated man,
"I've just discovered it's not weaned."


**********


A man and a parrot find themselves sitting next to each other on a plane.
As the stewardess comes along, the man asks for a coffee, at which point
the parrot shouts,
"Get me a brandy and be quick about it!"

A little upset by his attitude, the stewardess goes off and returns
with the brandy. but not the coffee.

"Excuse me, Miss, you've forgotten my coffee,"
the man tells her.

"Oh, sorry,"
she replies,
and is just about to go when the parrot shouts even louder,
"And get me another brandy, you incompetent cow!"

This time she's very upset but returns quickly with the brandy,
having forgotten once again to get the man's coffee.

"Maybe if I take the same attitude as this parrot, I might get results,"
he thinks to himself.

"Hey, coffee, and be quick about it, you dumb blonde!"
he shouts.

In no time at all the stewardess returns with two male colleagues
who drag both the man and the parrot from their seats and throw
them out of the emergency hatch.

As the man passes the parrot on the way down,
the bird turns to him and says,

"You know, you've got a real attitude for someone who can't fly."

Just humm the Queen song while you read this

A variety show producer is on the look-out for a new act, and one day
he happens upon a country fair when he notices a group of people huddled
around one particular stall.

As he approaches, he sees a chicken dancing up and down on an old ceramic pot.

The audience are obviously enjoying the act, so the producer asks the
man if the chicken is for sale.

After a lot of hard bargaining, they eventually decide on a sum of $2,500 and
the producer goes off happily, with the chicken and the pot safely under his arm.

However, two days later he storms back, furious.
"You double-crossing b*stard!" yells the producer.
"You tricked me, that chicken hasn't danced a step since  I bought him."


"Mmm," mused the man, thoughtfully.
"Did you light the candle under the pot?"


**********



A man is feeling poorly, so he goes to his doctor.

After numerous tests the doc says, “I’m sorry, but you have an incurable condition
and there is nothing more I can do for you.”

The man pleads with the doctor to suggest anything he might do to improve
his condition, and the doctor then suggests that he go to the spa
and take a daily mud bath.

“Is there any hope of a cure?”
the man asks.

“No,” says the doctor,
“but it will help you get used to dirt.”



**********




Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mummy?"
he asked.

"To stay pretty for daddy,"
said his mother.

A few minutes later,  she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter mummy?"
asked Little Johnny.
"Giving up?"


**********




I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and
the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me,

"Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"

The man replied,
"How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company."

The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and
announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said,
"Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked,
"I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued,
"I work for 7-UP."


Reckon they are all happy
they didn't work for the 7 - 11