I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, I know exactly what it feels like. The smallest thing like getting up and making tea feels like climbing mount Everest I used to say to my mum.
I used to see a psychologist and she gave me a sheet of paper with ten common thinking mistakes we make. I've lost it but tried to find it on g**gle and it has helped me a lot when ever I feel anxious/or a bout of doubt coming on.
I hope it helps you at all.
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
Sometimes we see things as being black or white: Perhaps you have two categories of coworkers in your mind—the good ones and the bad ones. Or maybe you look at each project as either a success or a failure. Recognize the shades of gray, rather than putting things in terms of all good or all bad.
2. Overgeneralizing
It's easy to take one particular event and generalize it to the rest of our life. If you failed to close one deal, you may decide, "I'm bad at closing deals." Or if you are treated poorly by one family member, you might think, "Everyone in my family is rude." Take notice of times when an incident may apply to only one specific situation, instead of all other areas of life.
3. Filtering Out the Positive
If nine good things happen, and one bad thing, sometimes we filter out the good and hone in on the bad. Maybe we declare we had a bad day, despite the positive events that occurred. Or maybe we look back at our performance and declare it was terrible because we made a single mistake. Filtering out the positive can prevent you from establishing a realistic outlook on a situation. Develop a balanced outlook by noticing both the positive and the negative.
4. Mind-Reading
We can never be sure what someone else is thinking. Yet, everyone occasionally assumes they know what's going on in someone else's mind. Thinking things like, "He must have thought I was stupid at the meeting," makes inferences that aren't necessarily based on reality. Remind yourself that you may not be making accurate guesses about other people's perceptions.
5. Catastrophizing
Sometimes we think things are much worse than they actually are. If you fall short on meeting your financial goals one month you may think, "I'm going to end up bankrupt," or "I'll never have enough money to retire," even though there's no evidence that the situation is nearly that dire. It can be easy to get swept up into catastrophizing a situation once your thoughts become negative. When you begin predicting doom and gloom, remind yourself that there are many other potential outcomes.
6. Emotional Reasoning
Our emotions aren't always based on reality but we often assume those feelings are rational. If you're worried about making a career change, you might assume, "If I'm this scared about it, I just shouldn't change jobs." Or, you may be tempted to assume, "If I feel like a loser, I must be a loser." It's essential to recognize that emotions, just like our thoughts, aren't always based on the facts.
7. Labeling
Labeling involves putting a name to something. Instead of thinking, "He made a mistake," you might label your neighbor as "an idiot." Labeling people and experiences places them into categories that are often based on isolated incidents. Notice when you try to categorize things and work to avoid placing mental labels on everything.
8. Fortune-telling
Although none of us knows what will happen in the future, we sometimes like to try our hand at fortune-telling. We think things like, "I'm going to embarrass myself tomorrow," or "If I go on a diet, I'll probably just gain weight." These types of thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies if you're not careful. When you're predicting doom and gloom, remind yourself of all the other possible outcomes.
9. Personalization
As much as we'd like to say we don't think the world revolves around us, it's easy to personalize everything. If a friend doesn't call back, you may assume, "She must be mad at me," or if a co-worker is grumpy, you might conclude, "He doesn't like me." When you catch yourself personalizing situations, take time to point out other possible factors that may be influencing the circumstances.
10. Unreal Ideal
Making unfair comparisons about ourselves and other people can ruin our motivation. Looking at someone who has achieved much success and thinking, "I should have been able to do that," isn't helpful, especially if that person had some lucky breaks or competitive advantages along the way. Rather than measuring your life against someone else's, commit to focusing on your own path to success.
Fixing Thinking Errors
Once you recognize your thinking errors, you can begin trying to challenge those thoughts. Look for exceptions to the rule and gather evidence that your thoughts aren't 100% true. Then, you can begin replacing them with more realistic thoughts.
The goal doesn't need to be to replace negative thoughts with overly idealistic or positive ones. Instead, replace them with realistic thoughts. Changing the way you think takes a lot of effort initially, but with practice, you'll notice big changes—not just in the way you think, but also in the way you feel and behave. You can make peace with the past, look at the present differently, and think about the future in a way that will support your chances of reaching your goals.
QF
