anyone else feel stuck in life ?

[cmdline]

hello everyone haven't posted in ages, just over last months i feel like im drowning in my own life, reflecting back i havent done almost anything for last 10 years my usual routine would be work, household duties and spending another 50% of time online just watching crap, this feeling is like im living in a prison wouldnt be different as dont go out much or at all without a need, ditched all my old childhood friends and feel like im trapped in my life, doing miserable work just to get some $$$ which is spent on bills and mags that make my life a misery to sustain.
sort of rant here, but feel like as years go im stuck in my mid twenties well not stuck but more like thats the point where i shut off completely, with no passion or energy to change or battle anyone, as at work have people on my head and just let em sit on it, a bit like being slave to whole society any direction i look i just see obstacles and walls.

dont want to depress anyone since my issue is anxiety but just wanted to went.

[MoJim]

I know the feeling cmd! Though our ages and situations may be different, I've been so unmotivated to get most anything done. The more I stagnate, the more depressed I become even though my main issue is anxiety. I keep trying to find a purpose with new hobbies, learning guitar & new language etc., but I just can't seem to sustain the effort needed. We all need something to look forward to and a need for a sense of accomplishment.

The only way lately that I can get any sense of accomplishment, is to write down a daily do-list. I rarely ever complete the list, but getting some things checked off, makes me feel better by the end of the day.

I do look forward to things and I keep them on a calendar next to this computer. Whether they're minor or major events, I at least know what's ahead. Some of the events are anxiety inducing, but at least I can have a game plan beforehand on how to deal with it.

You have friends here and it's a perfect place to vent. Keep posting and hopefully both of us will get out of this rut and hopelessness.
MoJim

[cmdline]

thx for kind words all. yeah its a bit more depression then anxiety since im on good dose of benzos that would put someone else into dandy land, but still wake up and feel like total crap, im well able to do stuff on time for work around house and just manage it, but as far as social life goes ive no interest to partake in any events, actually never really did unless it was smth of what i liked, not sure if its seasonal flare up for me but find it a bit depressing when days get longer- lol for that since should be happy about it but smth with longer days just irritates me, plus feel a lot of hate due to work and can be real mad to others due to that so found it better just to write it out how im feeling atm, sort of putting it in front of myself to reflect and think deeper, then bottle it up.
as the saying goes its easier to speak to strangers then close people online and anonimity and forum with people with similar issues seems right place.

[yellowdog]

YES, I chose a career that cannot last long so in a few years despite being 30 etc, i will have problems even getting a entry hon, I also in a sense work self employed, so I cannor say I am having a fee weeks/ sometimes months . I am worrying about this already.

I also have a buf we do not live tohether but it does not feel like a proper relationship and I know this is not s Ok thing to do. he is older than me and highly respected, so I fear loosing him. some people tell me that I am wasiting my tme with him, but I feel so attached I feel stuck

my mum is ill and it is usually left for me. I don't mind helpng her I wish the other siblings would help mpre. for example, I am planning on a night out tonight to celebrate, my sister said it would be fine, but I get an impression she would ask me to come home early. i don;r usallu drink but this time I will on the champagne that is already boughr for me, a few friends organized a special section in a VIP dept on a clb in a good bar on Lodon.

So yeah I CAN undertand the feeling of being feeling sruck, kope things look you soom x

[Caver]

I have felt like I have been spinning my wheels for about 15 years now. I had a bad situation back then and it sucked the life right out of me. It ruined my career and financially I have not recovered. The sad thing is it was not my fault and I was left out to dry. Regardless of the truth no one believed me and when the truth came out I was not vindicated.

[yellowdog]

I empathize with what you all have written. Appreciate the honesty.  I am stuck in my own way.  Chronic pain for over 30 years.  Physical limitations and restrictions are my walls.

To Yellowdog, I just wanted to say that it makes me angry that your siblings do not help with your mom, or even give you a true night off.  I hope it ends up working out (if it has not already passed) and if your sister asks you to come home early just say no.  Or say yes and then send her a text while you are out.  You deserve this night off.

Thanks Fireplace, because I am self employed and live so near by, they do take advantage, thankfully my sister give me the night off and I had a good time.  i am still a bit miffed with her for not even saying congrats on the MV, it is a pretty big thing for me and I worked so hard for it.  My brothers really don't get it and that is fine, they also don't like some of the MV I have appeared in and that is fine as it can be a bit sexualised so it be weird if they say something like WOW never knew you could twerk and grind like that sis, .  but with my sister she knows i was working so hard to get it and it is not a sexualised performance, I won't say who it is for, but lets just say when it comes out many of you would see it,  i don't know how much normal people pay attention to the backing dancers but that is the first thing i do.

with my mother, I took on some advice I  got on this board, she aint gonna be around for too long and I can look back when she is gone and think about all the times I cared for her and sacrificed for her, my sibling wont be able to do ther same,  she has recently agreed to have an agency nurse to mind her, my mum can be very fussy but she took to this Indian nurse very well and they get on great, and have fun together, she is also a good advocate if my mum needs to go to the doctors etc,  It does cost a lot to have a fully qualified RN from an agency but thankfully before my father died, he set up a successful company and the money for all her expenses comes out of that. she is Irish and she still lives so frugal, i drives me insane sometimes, i think mum this money is for you to have a comfortable life, you dom't have to worry about any costs.

bit of rant there, but thanks FP,

[Ladybug]

I know about a bit about anxiety / and or depression.2 open heart surgeries and now a chronic disease that gets me down sometimes and depressed. I was diagnosed 4 plus yrs ago with PAH which they think is the result of these surgeries, the medical community has now admitted that OHS can result in depression so they prescribe a anti-depression for 6 months afterwards

Now that i am older it doesn’t get better. Right now I feel that I am at a crossroads, I am on presquit; Wellbutrin 200 mg and tram one for sleep and Ativan. And of course my perc 10.

I am not feeling normal anymore I am on oxygen at night 6 ml I dont drink. I used to be so full of joy. I cant tell if my PH is getting worse
(2) I dont know if my antidepressants need changing
(3) I am taking to many pain pills as it helps the sternum pain from 2 OHS or is it my PAH getting worse which is causing more antiaxiety

Do anybody here have
Pulmonary Hypertension

Any suggestions

[hauntinggrounds]

Hello cmdline. I haven't seen many of your posts but this also sounds like you may be dealing with more than you think. Depression can often manifest like this. I know the feeling, that life has passed you by, that you're too late, that its all over for you. My only word right now is to know that it is never too late to start something. People make second careers later in their life more often than you may think. Do you or have you played sports? They can help if you really get into it. Same with friends, all of them abandoned me and currently have no social life, but it doesn't matter at all, be patient. Be rational, have you really not accomplished much in life? I don't believe this, you probably have done more than you think. The past is the past, no matter how unfortunate it is. Make a new chapter.

[cmdline]

cmdline, HELLO Friend. I can relate completely with where you are at in life! I am 52 and the Fish Biz is breaking me down physically, but I will lay in the bed I made for myself as this is my expertise. Agree with hg as far as a new career is concerned, please do not ignore this possibility! I was eating B's like candy at the last farm just to deal with anger issues and the yelling from the owner. I know a career change is a stressful event, but since my change to a different farm, anxiety has gone from a 9 to a 1 on a scale of 1-10 and do not even take B's everyday to make it. I too am guilty of living the same routine though and as Mom said I should try and become more a part of the community. Have started to go to Church again and hope to get involved in other social activities. Am kind of a Hermit but I believe that there are many good days ahead, if I just take the Damn initiative! I am terrible about change. Bless You Buddy and Prayers and Best Wishes sent your way! FF

+1 FF im making changes in my life, its stressful enough as is when being pushed around by people who have iq of a monkey yet they run the business and you have to listen to them all day long is exhausting when having anxiety.

[Chinchillin777]

I think pretty much anyone with anxiety/depression can look back on their life (if not their present) and point to a time where they felt “stuck”. Often times, the symptoms of depression (and if accompanied by anxiety, even more so) lead to a downward spiral, because you find yourself feeling apathetic, drained, hopeless, and you begin to neglect your various physical, mental, interpersonal, and financial state of affairs to one degree or another. It can be exceptionally hard to “pull one up by one’s bootstraps” as is often suggested by friends/relatives/doctors/on lookers in general. Others understand logically, but only those of us who have been there get what a catch 22 it is.

Honestly, as much as I disagree with the medical establishment - especially in the US, it took seeking professional help from a psychiatrist (whom I didn’t have much hope for). In my case the issue was maybe 60% anxiety, 40% depression, so it’s not exactly the same, though much of the anxiety at the time revolves around the side effects of my depressed state. I personally have not found appreciable clinical value in antidepressants for treating or preventing depression, mostly just side effects, but to each his/her own... I did, however, find value in an off label antidepressant for sleeping purposes, and anxiety medication during the day, which has worked surprisingly well for me over the years since, not nearly as many diminishing returns as I expected from this type of medication.

Obviously things like diet, excercise, and daily routine should be analyzed and altered prior to resorting to pharmacological help, but if you truly feel that stuck, and you can afford it, at least try any medical options available to you, like myself, you may be pleasantly surprised to see that “the system” so to speak, doesn’t always work against you, and can actually give you an uplifting and welcome respite - which is an excellent opportunity to seize and to build upon, assuming your long term goal is not to be able to handle feelings of depression etc. through CBT (cognitive behavioral teqchniques) and other self-driven reflection, discipline, etc. etc.

Best of luck to you all, this word is surely full of its share of trials and tribulations.