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(01-18-2018, 04:28 PM)Justice1 Wrote: I'm fearfully of being trappedand humiliated,speaking in front of others is a close second and has the same feel,I'm trapped,they expect a,b,c from me,,I've been forced to do such leadership things and I can do it..if it's laid back and like everyone is sitting,but me going to front of room and standing doing it alone,,not projector or script to hide behind..if i do have those helpfull things and the audiencedoes engage it's not bad,can have a good dicussion...but on item one I trace it back to my father's favorite saying,What the he'll is wrong with you,and a group of boys who used to corner me and trap me,held me down and punched me over and over,I was so afraid and hid in restrooms or wherever to avoid them..They have since apologized to me and are friends on facebook.i did not reveal the serious impact it has had on my life and the way it has impacted all relationships.i did have a abusive boyfriend once and I ran away to another state,Cali. To Colo. With only a suitcase,only to find him in my home grabbed me and pulled my hair I fought,and screamed and he had a knife,and had driven all the way to other state....he also tried drowning me in front of a bunch of kids when I was about 18......not afraid of swimming,sometimes get panic in large natural water with wind and waves but Ocean, I can float to rythym and dive under waves....it's nice..anyway the screaming drew attention and a man broke I to the house and the ex bf was arrested and taken to jail,then extradited to Cali. For some other thing.....he left his car in front of my house for 6wks till city towering away..I think that's some of it Wow, Justice, I am sorry to hear all this. What you are describing is actually more common than you may think. The negative fallout of bullying at a young age later reinforced by untoward experiences as an adult. Very common too for bullies to later cozy up to their victim. For them, doing that is often only about trying to assuage their own consciences. It sounds to be like you have an equally balanced group of reasonable and unreasonable fears. Are you working with somebody on this? Cognitive therapy can unravel and repair much. The primary thing that has to register with you is that you are not to blame for any of what happened to you. Being bullied, having a overly critical parent, and the like, are great destroyers of self-esteem. After that is lowered, you are open to all kinds of unconstructive thoughts. Its a real downward spiral. You can't undo what's already been done, but you can (over time) undo your thinking surrounding what has been done. A victim is just that...a victim. You haven't done anything wrong. Your mind reasons that if you were somehow better, these things would not have happened to you. A counselor would help you understand the mentality of a bully, as well as how the criminal mind functions. You will see that the problem lies with them and not with you. I know these sound like just words, but they are really true. You can come out the other side of this actually feeling sorry for those who have hurt you. You will see how pathetic that they really are. RM
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(01-19-2018, 03:58 AM)coffeedude22 Wrote: Hi my name is ____, And I'm afraid of everything. Honestly though, after breaking up with my girlfriend of four years, I think I have an unconcious fear of never getting married. It may be just a matter of ambivalence, but this just seems to pop up everywhere in my dreams.
Wow, 4 years. That's rough. Is it really over for you guys? You never know. That's a lot of time to invest. Did you think that she was the right one when you were dating? Just curious.
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01-21-2018, 11:16 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-21-2018, 11:22 AM by Justice1.
Edit Reason: Spell
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RM,Thanks,I should be in counseling,I've started it a few times and then not followed through,thinking,I guess telling them the truth would make me seem weak?idk,but I hear you and I'm pretty fed up with having this sort of dark cloud following me around all the time,,it really seems to invite those same personality types into my life..and I do not want that anymore.Coffee,sorry about the break up,,I broke up with a man after 6 yrs a year ago and am just now getting past it and moving on..It's tough but it happens..marriage,,,,well I've done that a few times and I have some awsome kids but it's not a requirement in life,,alot of people do not choose to marry these days but there are plenty who do want marriage also and give it a bit of time to process all of this and you'll find love again.In the mean time work on yourself..it's worth it to take care of you and your more attractive to others when your content with you,it seems that way anyway,,I'm glad someone posted this thread.Alot of interesting stories for sure..
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(01-21-2018, 11:16 AM)Justice1 Wrote: RM,Thanks,I should be in counseling,I've started it a few times and then not followed through,thinking,I guess telling them the truth would make me seem weak?idk,but I hear you and I'm pretty fed up with having this sort of dark cloud following me around all the time,,it really seems to invite those same personality types into my life..and I do not want that anymore.Coffee,sorry about the break up,,I broke up with a man after 6 yrs a year ago and am just now getting past it and moving on..It's tough but it happens..marriage,,,,well I've done that a few times and I have some awsome kids but it's not a requirement in life,,alot of people do not choose to marry these days but there are plenty who do want marriage also and give it a bit of time to process all of this and you'll find love again.In the mean time work on yourself..it's worth it to take care of you and your more attractive to others when your content with you,it seems that way anyway,,I'm glad someone posted this thread.Alot of interesting stories for sure..
YW, Justice. Some emotional problems do not respond well to cognitive therapy and some do. The type that you are recounting generally does respond well. I know what you mean about being followed by the dark cloud and would love to see you have a break through and get rid of it. Its a process, though...even if you end up working through it on your own. I think that a counselor, if they are a good one, just steers you in the right direction and makes the process quicker and deeper. I almost didn't start this thread because I thought that people would not respond to it. I am so glad that its bringing out some of these issues among the members. RM
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Fear of Driving! I didn't ever have this fear until my son was born and now I am overly fearful of dying before he grows up as my dad passed away when I was 15 and I deep down do not want that to happen to my son. Sheesh. Life... I need to not be afraid of driving though, it hinders my abilities to go out and explore the world!
" The Intuitive Mind Is a Sacred Gift and the Rational Mind Is a Faithful Servant " AE
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(01-24-2018, 08:35 PM)TeknoFunk Wrote: Fear of Driving! I didn't ever have this fear until my son was born and now I am overly fearful of dying before he grows up as my dad passed away when I was 15 and I deep down do not want that to happen to my son. Sheesh. Life... I need to not be afraid of driving though, it hinders my abilities to go out and explore the world! My best friend developed those fear once she had a kid, so you're not alone, if that's any solace.
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(01-24-2018, 09:50 PM)Naomi Wrote: (01-24-2018, 08:35 PM)TeknoFunk Wrote: Fear of Driving! I didn't ever have this fear until my son was born and now I am overly fearful of dying before he grows up as my dad passed away when I was 15 and I deep down do not want that to happen to my son. Sheesh. Life... I need to not be afraid of driving though, it hinders my abilities to go out and explore the world! My best friend developed those fear once she had a kid, so you're not alone, if that's any solace. It is true that it is normal to take solace in the fact that other people are suffering from the same problem(s). The saying "misery loves company" is certainly true. It's not that any person should be happy that a fellow human is also suffering, but there is a certain comfort and feeling of solidarity that arises when one realizes that he/she is not alone in the plight.
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RM that is so true. That's why I always recommend group therapy to anyone if they have access to it/can afford it. I was afraid at first - strangers, social anxiety, etc - but hearing someone say something and being able to say "I do that, too!" is such a good feeling.
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(01-26-2018, 01:56 AM)Naomi Wrote: RM that is so true. That's why I always recommend group therapy to anyone if they have access to it/can afford it. I was afraid at first - strangers, social anxiety, etc - but hearing someone say something and being able to say "I do that, too!" is such a good feeling. I get you, Naomi. "Group" is phenomenal on many levels. That's what we all have going on here, too. We can share our experiences and come across others who are dealing with the same thing. I think that kind of thing is invaluable! Have a great night. RM
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Yes,all of you guys rock,,therapy is a good idea,it's never hurt me,only made e feel bettrr,I usually decided I did not need it or maybee it was too much to let the therapist actually know what is happening in my head, and how emo. I can get..Sheesh nearly no one has been there..I shoyuld go back and not care about my wierd idiocyncracies,or if I just start crying and cannot get it together and waste the whole time due to this... feeling like I put them in such an awkward situation having to sit and watch me lose it..ok,,I'm fearfully of that
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