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Days when it is difficult to move? lazy? or depressed?
#21
Having one of these days today. Just cannot find the will to get going. Still have a few sick days and vacation left and gonna use one today and just chill.

Doctor before put me through gauntlet of anti depressants but honestly made me feel worse making me feel suicidal. Don't need that so I will not touch anti depressant again. Right now just cannot find the will to get out of bed and have NO motivation to do anything.

The issue has gotten worse since I have recently found out that I will be loosing my job March 2018 and a close uncle passed away several months ago.

Gotta figure out how to get things under control again. Wilt this PTSD and more problems just seem to keep popping up and cannot seem t get these racing thoughts out of my head. Hell even when I sleep I do sleep my mind does not. I have been told these are "racing thoughts". My little tracker on my arm is telling me I average between 3 and 5 hours sleep a night which is not good.

Gonna try and chill today and maybe just sleep...

Peace All
"Another Day In This Carnival Of Souls"
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#22
(09-05-2017, 10:34 AM)Furyan66 Wrote: Having one of these days today. Just cannot find the will to get going. Still have a few sick days and vacation left and gonna use one today and just chill.

Doctor before put me through gauntlet of anti depressants but honestly made me feel worse making me feel suicidal. Don't need that so I will not touch anti depressant again. Right now just cannot find the will to get out of bed and have NO motivation to do anything.

The issue has gotten worse since I have recently found out that I will be loosing my job March 2018 and a close uncle passed away several months ago.

Gotta figure out how to get things under control again. Wilt this PTSD and more problems just seem to keep popping up and cannot seem t get these racing thoughts out of my head. Hell even when I sleep I do sleep my mind does not. I have been told these are "racing thoughts". My little tracker on my arm is telling me I average between 3 and 5 hours sleep a night which is not good.

Gonna try and chill today and maybe just sleep...

Peace All

Sad   I hope your day gets better.
I am taking things in small steps, I managed to make breakfast shower, wash hair, teeth and do some tidying and go to the shops.   That just sounds like a typical everyday stuff but I force myself as I worry I may decline.
so Today has been productive for me.

I too have been dx with PTSD but have no support for it.

were you close to your uncle?
is your depression of the manic kind? (
anyhow I hope it goes better for you.
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#23
yellowdog
(09-05-2017, 10:34 AM)Furyan66 Wrote: Having one of these days today. Just cannot find the will to get going. Still have a few sick days and vacation left and gonna use one today and just chill.

Doctor before put me through gauntlet of anti depressants but honestly made me feel worse making me feel suicidal. Don't need that so I will not touch anti depressant again. Right now just cannot find the will to get out of bed and have NO motivation to do anything.

The issue has gotten worse since I have recently found out that I will be loosing my job March 2018 and a close uncle passed away several months ago.

Gotta figure out how to get things under control again. Wilt this PTSD and more problems just seem to keep popping up and cannot seem t get these racing thoughts out of my head. Hell even when I sleep I do sleep my mind does not. I have been told these are "racing thoughts". My little tracker on my arm is telling me I average between 3 and 5 hours sleep a night which is not good.

Gonna try and chill today and maybe just sleep...

Peace All

Sad   I hope your day gets better.
I am taking things in small steps, I managed to make breakfast shower, wash hair, teeth and do some tidying and go to the shops.   That just sounds like a typical everyday stuff but I force myself as I worry I may decline.
so Today has been productive for me.

I too have been dx with PTSD but have no support for it.

were you close to your uncle?
is your depression of the manic kind? (
anyhow I hope it goes better for you.
Hey YD,

I was close to my uncle. In fact we were friends for 15 years before he married my Aunt so I knew him longer that anyone in the family. Not a better guy and yea his passing hit me hard.

As far as my PTSD I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2011 but started back in 2000.
2000 has not been a kind century to me.
I was married about 6 years and we had a 2 year old daughter.
We ended up in divorce and my ex wife moved my daughter 350 miles away. "same state just opposite end" so courts could not put a stop to her moving her so far away.

I did the stupidest thing after that and got back together with an ex girlfriend before I got married and knew it was wrong but it was a rebound that just led to another divorce that lasted 7 years, A NASTY divorce. I finally had a "neurological event" leading to seizures and I spent 10 days in the hospital with only bits and pieces of memory and 3 months off work after I was released I still have just bits and pieces of memory.

Example: Spent 2 weeks visitation with my daughter and don't remember it

Anyway to sum it up I think I just cracked when my daughter was moved so far away from me and I realized I would never be a full time father to my daughter plus both divorces but the pain always comes back to my 2 year old daughter being taken away from me when I was given no choice. It all comes back to that and I can never regain all the time I missed seeing her grow up.

Peace All
"Another Day In This Carnival Of Souls"
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#24
Furyan66, it just breaks my heart that your time with your little girl is so limited.

I wonder if you could maybe find a job closer to her as you mentioned needing to find a new job anyway.
Music is probably the only real magic I have encountered in my life. There's not some trick involved with it. It's pure and it's real. It moves, it heals, it communicates and does all these incredible things. Tom Petty
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#25
Wow Fury that's awful. I can't imagine. I hate when people use visitation as punishment to spouses. Nobody wins. It's awful for the parents and awful for the kids.
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#26
There is so much good advice on this thread...making lists is good and getting back into hobbies...just going out for a long walk each day really helps. It's just getting that first bit of inspiration to do it!

I really feel for you yellowdog and furyan66 and hope things get better for you soon.

Just logging onto this forum each day really helps.

Thank you.

JW4
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#27
(09-07-2017, 01:17 PM)FirePlaces Wrote: Furyan66,  it just breaks my heart that your time with your little girl is so limited.  

I wonder if you could maybe find a job closer to her as you mentioned needing to find a new job anyway.

Hey FirePlaces,

Been trying for 17 years to move closer. To find an actual career that I could make a living off of in such a "rural" location is almost impossible. If you are lucky maybe $30,000 a year with my education in the area she lives it.

My big problem I am 50 years old and only have an associates degree but a TON of practical experience. I have worked as a network engineer with a major petroleum company for 12 years so I need something that reads Bachelors degree or equivalent work experience. I would love to up my education to a bachelors degree but the 2 back to back divorces It forced me into bankruptcy and I am unable to get financial support to back a bachelors degree and I defaulted on my first student loan and have to have that completely paid before I can get the financial support to go back to get the bachelor's degree.

Somedayz it just gets to be too much to think about and those are the dayz its almost too difficult to get out of bed.

Peace All

Fury
"Another Day In This Carnival Of Souls"
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#28
ughh I have been offered to do a short stint as a dancer, I have worked with this organisation before and they have strict rules, NO alchohol , practice in day despite already knowing the routines.

Ans you have to look the part ( They have hair stylist and make up artist and Ive been told I scrub up well)


The only time I danced under the influence of drugs was when I had a legit inhury and used codeine that made me itch like mad, the routine was very easy so no one noticed.

I don't think I could dance complicated routines under anything. apparently price and m Jackson managed too.

on one hand the strict way we are treaed ( we have a bed time I kid you not) and having a clear stricture may jolt be out of this, on the other hand I may fail. I have a good reputation and some organisation contact me.
it in a way Ic can be cut throat, there are younger more flexible dancers coming on the scene.
I have lost a lot of my flexibility. oddly I don't feel nevous as I am busy concentrating on the dancing and I don't pay any attention to the audience or think that so many people are watching.
I no longer get much pleasure or excitement I see it as a task to get through.

to the outside world no one would guess I am really struggling. people assume I must have a lot of self confidence, which is NOT the case.

I sonetimes take certain meds and just knowing I have them there gives me some comfort. I think if I took them the temptation would be there. I also don't know who will be in the group.

some people get replaced during rehearsals or for not looking the part ( usually gaining weight) or for breaking the rules. its important to maintain a good reputation.

I'm thinking of explain this to my GP, as my mind is affecting my employment possibilities surely they would take more notice?

Also my bmi is 20, but because I dropped areound 40 pounds and gained it back quickly, so I don't have much muscle tone. I am skinny fat.

when I was better I had a bmi of 19/20 but I had an athelectic frame and a very toned and tight body.

I'm in 2 minds about this. I was thinking of using trams for an energy boost?

are there any other dancers on this board? I feel like I cant express the situation properly has many people don't know the lingo/ terms and difficulties etc.
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#29
Wow yellowdog this sounds like a real adventure for you.
That is very interesting you being a dancer.
You explained it pretty good I think.

It is a difficult call for you it sounds like to try for it or just say no.

I’m not lost, I’m exploring.
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#30
I Tried ti quote you but basically I have tried the routines using trams and I can do it fine. so I may go for it.
The routunes are simple
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