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Why, Do People Become Addicted?
#21
its a fine nickname, fire. much easier to type.

and, please, have discussions all u choose, linville.

i am just a wee bit deep into thought and prayer at the moment.

so, i am extremely happy that u r having discussions.

will join in when some pressing issues are more settled.
Angel  It is Well with My Soul  Angel
#22
Sure Charon, I am sending you some good vibes….and I surely understand.
No problems.

Back to the talking, well I am sure there are some strong genetics involved that some have to fight off their whole life, being predisposed to addiction.

I understand my grandfather was a bit of a "rounder" as they say. Alcohol was his vice. As I understand it. But he worked all his life too.
There is so much that a person would like to forget and not have in their conscience from various pain of life I am sure for some it it a trigger. That then releases those demons.

Well I hate to end on that note so, well, I will say that I do know some people that have theirs under control.

-I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


#23
I actually think I have everything but benzos under control. I just have that manic, anxious, posting at 3-am writing walls of words thing that I can't shake without it. I spent a year without it and I didn't like it at all and now I'm back on a script of very light benzos.

But I used to also be a serious IV heroin/opiates/opioids in general user, and I (and missed, ouch) my fair share of meth, and speedballs and goofballs and watched Showgirls on acid and ate Canadian MDMA crystals like its candy until I lost the magic. I've only done IV heroin, coke, and meth since 2011 outside of benzos. I've done them a total of 12 times combined in the past 4.5 years. I don't really have the urge to do them unless it's offered anymore, I feel like I needed to move on with my life and those can only be very occasional hobbies, like a sport team you follow in the standings but don't actually watch the games of. Although I am obviously incredibly interested in the legal aspect of all these drugs, it''s a replacement.

But it's hard to shake the benzos. Xanax is paradoxical for me, but Ativan, Temazepam, and Valium will keep me calm, collected, normal, social but not too much, focused, relevant, and wit ha decent head on my head. I have little memory loss on them and no euphoria, just a devil's tranquility I'm putting off dealing with later, maybe in the style of the infamous Charles Johnson.

I usually have a drink or two but to study for the bar I really stopped from may until... well I haven't really restarted except right after I got out (I had to). My great-grandfather was an drunk and died in his 40s. My great grandmother was a drunk and died clutching a bottle of clear liquor but due to Alzheimers... at the age of 96. She called me by my dad's name. My great-grandfather on my mother's side was a crippled opium addict who chose to eat a brick of opium instead of getting machinegunned by the Japanese. Almost whole village save my grandmother and great-aunt got machinegunned into a mass grave. It's the stuff that'll get you drinking, but they actually never did, interesting enough.

I think a lot of this is a lot more complex, YMMV. I feel like I'm almost choosing to stick with a light level of dependency on one specific thing.I stopped shooting heroin every day mostly because it became not fun and it became a chore it killed my relationship. Yet, perhaps I am actually really dependent, because the normal me that I recognize now, not the one before my friend died or before I went on a multi-year bender or CT w/ds or law school or whatever, is the me that I recognize, always on a light level of benzos, prescribed but always a little underprescribed, verbose but precise, telling stories but eventually getting to the point, and finally comfortable with myself in a way that I haven't been comfortable with since when I was very little.
#24
Thank you jimtje , for talking of *your* story.

You spoke of war at one point. I had a friend that was in the Vietnam war. He came back was older than I but we became best friends. Would stay up all hours of the night talking of the worlds problems and how to solve them kind of stuff….well my friend fought his demons until he died before he should have.

I dont think he wanted to remember the things he went through in the war zone.
It still as I talk of it makes me get emotional because he was one of those rare true friends….to me….that dont come along very often.
We both went through changes and I went another path for a while when I heard he died sitting in a car warming it up after being in a bar . He fell asleep and the car caught on fire.

Something in the fuel system…..sighs

He came back from war but as I sometimes say never really came all the way back mentally.

I can recall him introducing some of the friends he made while overseas fighting for his life and they took me in like one of their own because of his saying that I was his friend.
Gosh, such friendship….is very hard to have. I miss him.

-I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


#25
Linville, i am so sorry that your friend died in such an avoidable manner.  

Addiction vs dependence is complicated as post by Jimtje.

So my doctor who I like does not understand why my numbers (insulin, liver, etc...) are not better than they currently are.  I recently lost over 20lbs, stopped eating wheat and sugar.and all my numbers are now good.  

Anyway my doc has decided to give me a GGT test.  She asked me on my last visit if i was a drinker.  I underplayed a bit.  I told her that dh and I split a bottle of wine 4-5 nights a week when it is really every night and some nights we have a touch more.

So my GGT test is in a month.  Meanwhile I am taking NAC and starting next week DH and i are going to abstain from drinking during the week. I will probably stop all alcohol consumption a week prior to the test.

I figure if my GGT number is too high, well that is just good information I should have.  A high number is an indicator that down the road one may have liver issues.  Certainly don't want that!

Here's hoping I don't have to change my evening glasses of wine!
Music is probably the only real magic I have encountered in my life. There's not some trick involved with it. It's pure and it's real. It moves, it heals, it communicates and does all these incredible things. Tom Petty
#26
Wow, what deep conversations, guys.  A pleasure to read, and to glimpse a piece of each of your souls. Beautiful, thank you.  

Addiction vs. Dependence is such a fine line.  I think a lot of it has to do with environment and how you grew up. I grew up literally eating Schick house baloney with mustard on Wonderbread, and M&Ms in between from the freezer. And Pepsi with Krimpets.  I am not joking. My parents and siblings never drank or did drugs, so I didn't really ever know that life. 

BUT you can be sure to this day I would call myself a food addict. And if I didn't know better I'd still be eating like that. I am a Binger for sure. 

There was a study I read that showed women who grew up hungry and stressed in the Depression had healthy children...but their Grandchildren were a lot more likely to be obese.  I think that proves both environment and genetics go hand in hand. 

FP, Linville, Cajun, Charon, Andybones, Jim, thanks.
#27
FirePlaces, thanks for the understanding of my friend….I have mentioned him a few times.  I have read that NAC really does work in cleansing the liver. 
I hope your test numbers are okay.

I am prone to kidney stones and whew, 2 times to the ER. The second time when the urologist said he wanted it to send off for analysis and if by around 10 days I didnt bring it to him he would go up and get it.
(was floating in the bladder by then) 
I said what do you mean, he goes there is an instrument that he can push up to the bladder and get it and bring it out….I was like is that really necessary, he goes oh, it is not a big deal……well needless to say I strained until  one day at lunch it just rolled out.
Didnt even feel it.
But I was so glad when I took it to the doctor and presented it to them.
ha ha
Anyway, it was mostly oxalates ----

  • Spinach

  • Rhubarb

  • Beets

  • Potato chips

  • French fries

  • Nuts and nut butters
But I was hard pressed to after the pain was over to cut out those things……and my family has the history so…
And if I wasnt given pain meds I believe I would have done anything to get my hands on something to deaden the pain..

It hurts when going from the kidneys to the bladder and after in the bladder the danger is blockage not so much straight up pain ATP.

-I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


#28
Linville, a little off topic, but I also have suffered from kidney stones my whole life. One was the size of a golfball, and took eight weeks and 4 surgeries to safely break up from my kidney. 

NNo more hard cheeses for me. And water with lemon before going to bed prevents the formation of them. 

AAnything not to feel that again. That was my first long experience with opiates. Not a fun withdrawal, and I didn't even know that would happen I was naive to them.  Mentally, on day 5, i wanted to end it. Luckily, a long walk helped me clear the scary feelings.
#29
Hi gang.  Kidney stones are brutal. DH had his first one about 6 months ago.  He didnt know he had it and then it went bad very quickly.  I ended up rushing him to the ER.  They gave hims some PKs and scheduled him to see a Urologist a day or two later. The Urologist zapped his kidney with ultrasound waves.  All fixed.  His kidney was most sore for a bit though

He was given a small amount of low dose hydros with one refill.  Getting back on topic, he didn't finish the first bottle and never filled his refill.  This was during the month that hydro went schedule 2.  Anyway, it did sort of bug me to see a perfectly legal refill just expire due to the rescheduling.

But I felt that harassing him to fill it so I could have extras around would have been addicitive behavior so I did not do it. Anyone else ever take a step back just to make sure ...
Music is probably the only real magic I have encountered in my life. There's not some trick involved with it. It's pure and it's real. It moves, it heals, it communicates and does all these incredible things. Tom Petty
#30
(08-16-2015, 02:02 PM)FirePlaces Wrote: Hi gang.  Kidney stones are brutal. DH had his first one about 6 months ago.  He didnt know he had it and then it went bad very quickly.  I ended up rushing him to the ER.  They gave hims some PKs and scheduled him to see a Urologist a day or two later. The Urologist zapped his kidney with ultrasound waves.  All fixed.  His kidney was most sore for a bit though

He was given a small amount of low dose hydros with one refill.  Getting back on topic, he didn't finish the first bottle and never filled his refill.  This was during the month that hydro went schedule 2.  Anyway, it did sort of bug me to see a perfectly legal refill just expire due to the rescheduling.

But I felt that harassing him to fill it so I could have extras around would have been addicitive behavior so I did not do it. Anyone else ever take a step back just to make sure ...

Hi all,
Oh FirePlaces I see you understand how withering on the floor, in pain with kidney stones, can be a very real thing.

Anyway, mine was not large enough for the  lithotripsy so they let them flow the natural way.

I have a friend that had it though. and he also said there was bruising, sore….

(my font size got changed pasting the link into the word lithotripsy….sorry it is bothersome to you…I can only promise to try and do better, ha.)

Well, about the re-fills….I also would get the refill to have on hand myself, because any kind of med. is just so hard to get RX's for anymore I just go ahead and do it if I dont forget and let them run out.

I had one on ambien and called it in to refill and even though there were 2 re-fills left they said it was beyond the refill date….I am like WHAT you wont re-fill it and I have re-fills on it.

But I can see your point when it is another persons….but I would not think a second about refilling it myself. I would have done it unless there was resistance.

-I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.




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