Humorous Smilies

[Popster]

KC....Bravo you did it....

My cats know to not mess with the Lion King......I bluff them all the time

[Caróg liath]

WHAT happened here??? LOLOLOLOLOL

[IceWizard]

PORN I TELL YOU!!!

Lol... Good on CL....

Ice

[Popster]

Happy Thanksgiving....don't forget to laugh today.

   


   

[IceWizard]

THE BAPTIST CHURCH DINNER!

A group of friends from the Cottonwood
Baptist Church wanted to get together on a
regular basis, socialize, and play games.

The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others.
She decided to have mushroom-smothered
steak. But mushrooms are expensive.

She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high."

He said, "Why don't you go down in the
pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."

She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are
poison."

He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them
and they're OK."

So Janet decided to give it a try..
She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.

Then she went out on the back porch and
gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Janet
even hired a helper lady from town to help
her serve.

After everyone had finished, they relaxed,
socialized, and played '42' and dominoes. About then, the helper lady came in and
whispered in Janet's ear.

She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot is dead."

Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we
can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.."

Soon they could hear the siren as the
ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the
bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

After the last one was finished, the doctor
came out and said, "I think everything will be
fine now," and he left.

They were all looking pretty weak sitting
around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and whispered to
Janet,

"You know, that fellow that run over Ol' Spot
never even stopped."

(and you thought it was trippin mushrooms..lol)

********************

I became confused when I heard the word
'service' used with these agencies:

Banking 'Service'
Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Pay TV 'Service' State and Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
Bureaucratic 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.
Then I visited my uncle, he's a farmer, and
he hired a bull to 'Service' his cows.

Suddenly WOW!!!
It all came clear.

Now I understand what all those agencies
are doing to us!

[Linville]

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[willie33]

[IceWizard]

Linville... That is the whole truth!

Willie... I'm sure folks can relate to that for sure.....
.
.




Oh those Blondes... Don't You Just Love 'em!?

Two blondes were filling up at a gas station
and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."

The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."
.
.

One day, a blonde's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers!"

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said
the blonde, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
.
.
.
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

Then the other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
.
.
.
A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2
leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."
.
.
.
.
A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.

The second horse's tail tore in the same
place and looked exactly like the other
horse's tail.

Our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.

Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.

The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height.

When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one
.
.
.
.
Blonde Interview
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.

He wanted to find out something about her
personality so he asked, "If you could have
a conversation with any person, living or
dead, who would that be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

[IceWizard]

Double Standards

[willie33]

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