Humorous Smilies

[Charon]

oh i like that Ice. esp the first one.

[Mr. HIND]

True Story

[Charon]

we thank you for your contribution and all the work that it took ya.

[IceWizard]

Good ones Mr Hind ,,,Mighty fine indeed!!!!

[IceWizard]

An older fella was in the hospital.
They had him on oxygen when a nurse
came in to check on him.

She asked him if he needed anything.

He said, "Are my testicles black?"

She said, "What?"

He said again, "Are my testicles black?"

So she raised the sheet and lifted his gown to look.

She told him, "No sir, your testicles are not black."
With a bright smile.

The old guy pulled his oxygenn mask down a bit and said,
"I do appreciate the feel up, but I was asking if
my test results were back."

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

Sam the Clam

Larry Lobster and Sam Clam where best friends. 

They did everything together. The only difference 

between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever 

and Sam, well lets just say he was not so good.

Larry and Sam did so much together 

that they even died together.

Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell.

Larry was doing well in heaven and one day St. Peter 

came up to him and said, 

“Larry, you know you are the nicest clam we ever 

had up here. Everyone likes you but you seem 

to be a bit depressed. Tell me what is bothering you, 

maybe I can help.”

Larry said, 

“Well, don’t get me wrong Pete, 

I like it up here and everything, 

but I really miss my good friend Sam Clam. 

We used to do everything together 

and I really miss him a lot.”

St. Peter looked at Larry with pity and said to him, 

“I tell you what, I can arrange it so that you 

can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day. 

How would that sound?”

This made Larry very happy and 

he got up bright and early the next morning 

and grabbed his wings, his harp, and his halo

and got in the elevator to hell. 

When the doors opened he was met by Sam. 

The hugged each other and they were off. 

You see in Hell Sam owned a disco. 

The spent the day there together and had a 

great time. 

At the end of the day Larry and Sam went 

back to the elevator together said their goodbyes 

and Larry got back in the elevator and went up to heaven. 

He stepped off the elevator and was greeted by St. Peter 

who blocked the doorway to heaven. 

He looked at Larry and said, 

“Larry Lobster, didn’t you forget something?”

Larry looked around and said, 

“No, I don’t think so I have my halo and my wings.”

St. Peter looked at him and said, 

“Yes, but what about your harp?” 

Larry gasped and said, 

“I Left My Harp in Sam Clam’s Disco.”

[IceWizard]

I am so confused. I don't know how I got this way.

I used to think I was just a regular guy, but…

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not,
makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative,
which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which, according to gay folks,
now makes me a homophobe.

I am a Christian,
which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment,
which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.

I am retired,
which makes me a useless old man.

I think and I reason,
therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me,
which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture,
which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and
I appreciate the police and the legal system,
which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play,
and fair compensation according to each individual's merits,
which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I (and most of the folks I know),
acquired a fair education without student loans (it’s called work)
and no debt at graduation,
which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection
of the homeland for and by all citizens,
which now makes me a militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me…
because I‘m just not sure who I am anymore!

I would like to thank all my friends for sticking
with me through these abrupt,
new found changes in my life and my thinking!
I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

As if all this wasn’t enough to deal with…
I’m now afraid to go into either restroom

[Charon]

[Mr. HIND]