Humorous Smilies

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota,
Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college,
Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police.

There he was confronted with an appalling scene.
Bullwinkle, (a weird American animal)
the town's leading citizen, had been smashed
flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.

"It's a common enough means of death for
cartoon characters," Fenwick opined.
"Every year, we lose five or six citizens to
falling safes. But this time, it was no accident.
This time, it's murder!"

He showed Feghoot the ingenious deadfall trap
rigged to rain financial ruin on an unsuspecting victim.

Bullwinkle's antlers were still entangled in the tripwire.
Grasped tightly in one hand was a small statue of a Hindu god.

The dead quadruped's best friend,
Rocky the flying squirrel had been with Bullwinkle
at the time of his death,
but when questioned by Feghoot,
the distraught rodent said all he could remember
was seeing a rabbi fleeing the scene upon a pogo stick.

Fenwick immediately issued an APB for the rabbi.

"You're wasting your time, Fenwick,"
said Feghoot grimly, as he stood from
his examination of the body.
"The rabbi has been framed.
When you find him, he will tell you of
some elaborate ruse that induced him
to be on a pogo stick at this time and place."

"How do you know that, Feghoot?" asked the Inspector.
"This is the work of the Christmas Killer,"
Feghoot declared.
"I have been on the trail of this fiend for years,
and I fear that we might never catch him.
Every December, he arranges one of these grisly messages."

"Look! Didn't you notice the smile on the victim's face?
The corners of his mouth have been propped up... by these!"

He displayed two toothpicks he had taken from Bullwinkle's mouth.

"I still don't see how you know the
murderer is the Christmas Killer," said Fenwick.

"Isn't it obvious?"
Feghoot asked.

 
"Wee Vishnu, 

a merry crushed moose,
and a hoppy Jew near."

[IceWizard]

[IceWizard]

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

[IceWizard]

[IceWizard]

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She's A Dude

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

A bear walks into a bar in Boise, Idaho.
He sits down and says to the barman

“I’ll have a beer, please.”

The barman replies,
“Sorry, we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise.”

The bear persists,
“Give me a break, I’m really thirsty.”

The barman says,
“Sorry we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise.”

So the bear says,
“Look, I’m spitting feathers here.
I’ll pay you double!”

But again the barman says,
“Sorry, we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise.”

The bear is really angry by now
so he grabs the woman sitting in
the stool next to him, rips her
head off and eats her whole.

Then he says to the barman,
“Give me a damn beer or you’re next!”

The barman replies,
“Look, I already told you we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise,
and we certainly don’t serve it to bears on drugs!”

“Drugs, I’m not on drugs!”
roars the bear.

“Why of course you are,”
says the bartender.
“That was a bar b!tch you ate.”