Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

[Charon]

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: Well, not literally!!!
1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the a*#hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then neither does milk.
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE...
5. BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

[IceWizard]

Disclaimer :::

Do NOT try these at home and
be warned that some, although funny
inflict pain and/or damage


I saw this once ...I can do it







Sure it'll Burn







Hold My Beer







Barbed wire trampoline








Just sitting on an airbag ...
What could go wrong







Watch while I teach this bull a lesson

[Charon]

10 points for the bull. i hope he gets to live.

[IceWizard]

Kids say the darnedest things


The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"

*****


A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand and led him to the shore,
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven,"
the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"

*****



After the church service a little boy told the pastor,
"When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?

"Because my daddy says you're one of the
poorest preachers we've ever had."

*****



A woman invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I don't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say,"
the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

*****



A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,"
he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

*****



Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself.

His mother noticed the left was on the right foot.

She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.

"He looked up at her with a raised brow and said,
"Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

*****



On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How will that help?"

*****



A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer.

She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.

She said,
"And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us some e-mail." AMEN

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

[Charon]

[willie33]

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[IceWizard]