Humorous Smilies

[Mr. HIND]

[IceWizard]

That guy putting the moon in his car!!!
That bad little brother!!!

AND the ball players name ... Priceless ...

I had to laugh out loud...

Ice

[Charon]

   

Ireland back in lockdown. Level? Five.

[Mr. HIND]

That guy putting the moon in his car!!!
That bad little brother!!!

AND the ball players name ... Priceless ...

I had to laugh out loud...

Ice

[willie33]

   

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.

Her talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the gals. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 68 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do.

I signed up for five jumps a week!!" The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

 Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be ever so much fun...!!!

[IceWizard]

On my way home yesterday, I stopped at the garage to get a brew
and as I walked up, I noticed these 2 police officers watching a woman
who was smoking while putting her gas in.

I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or both,
especially with the police standing RIGHT there.

But anyways, I minded my own business and went inside and got my brew.

As I was paying for my drink, I heard someone screaming!
Like I'm talking violent death screams!!

I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire!

She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!!
Like she was bat sh1t crazy.

When I got outside, the police had the woman on the ground and
they were putting the fire out!

Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the police car.

I was thinking, arrested??
Shouldn't she be in an ambulance, not a police car?

And being the nosy a$$ I am, I asked the copper what they were arresting her for?

The officer looked at me, dead serious, and said
"WAVING A FIRE ARM"!!

**********************

A Texas Farmer is visiting a Vermont farm.

The Texan asks the Vermont farmer,
"How big is your farm?"

The Vermont farmer points to a big bush and says
"Well that there is one end and it goes over to that barn,
then back up to that road you can see there, and were sitting
right on the fourth corner".

The Texan ponders this for a moment before the Vermont farmer asks,
"Well how big is your farm?"

The Texan explains "Well say I get in my car at about 6 am, and
leave one end of my farm. If I drive all day, I should reach the
other end by about dinner time.

The Vermont farmer looks up and replies
"Yeah. I had a car like that once".

**********************************


Sam died.
His Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

"Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased" she said.

"I'm sure you're right" replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"

"All of it" said Helen. "Thirty thousand".

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered
"The funeral was $6,500.
I donated $500 to the church.
The wake, food and drinks were another $500.
The rest went for the memorial stone".

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone?
My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats".


*************************************

A woman is walking home with her three daughters,
Rose, Lily and Cinderblock.

Rose asks he mother,
"Mom why did you name me Rose?"

To which her mother replies,
"Well sweetie, when we were coming home
from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head."

Lily curious now, asks her mother,
"Mom why did you name me after a
flower too?"

To which her mother replies,
"Well sweetie when we were coming home
from the hospital with you a lily fell on your head."

Finally, Cinderblock says to her mother,
"hg hg h DN b GH DN b GH?"

[Charon]

[Charon]

   

Eh gads. This is one of the jokes me good sister would quiz me on post memory loss. I wonder if she remembers...

[Charon]

   

[willie33]