Humorous Smilies

[Mr. HIND]

[Charon]

Thank you Mr. Hind.

[IceWizard]

How To Decide Who You Are Going To Marry
(written by children)


You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before,
and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age
because you know the person FOREVER by then..
-- Camille, age 10


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess,
based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun,
and people should use them to get to know each other.
Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date,
they just tell each other lies and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7 (Love her )

-The law says you have to be eighteen,
so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this:
If you kiss someone,
then you should marry them and have kids with them.
It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,
wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the Favorite is.......


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty,
even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 11






**********




Real Thruths In Life.




GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats..
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8 ) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food.. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . .
Not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . .
Having friends.

At age 17 success is . .
Having a driver's license.

At age 35 success is . . . .
Having money.

At age 50 success is . . .
Having money.

At age 70 success is . .. .
Having a driver’s license.

At age 75 success is . ... .
Having friends.

At age 80 success is . . ..
Not piddling in your pants.



Kinda a full circle

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

A man walks into a bar


He puts an iguana and a frog on the bar and orders a pint.

The barman spots this and says,
"Oi, what are you doing bringing them in here?!?"

The man takes a sip of his pint and says to the barman,
"I bet you  $100 I can make the frog sing"

The barman says,
"Ok, your on!"

Next thing the frog pats its feet and starts singing
"Rain drops are falling on my head"

The barman, amazed, says,
"Ok fair play"
and hands the man $100.

Another man at the end of the bar
stands up and offeres the man $1000 for the frog,
the man agrees and he leaves with the frog.


The barman says to the man, "What is wrong with you!?
You could have made a fortune with that frog?!?"

The man takes another sip of his beer and says,
"Nah, I found the frog on the path on the way here,
the iguana is a ventriloquist"



*****


Social Experiment


Social researchers from Oxford devised an experiment
to place three men from diverse cultures on an otherwise
deserted island.

They decided on one man from France, one from Germany,
and one from Japan.

The German was told he is in charge of shelter,
the Frenchman was put in charge of meals,
and the Japanese was told he was in charge of supplies.

The three were left alone on the island for 6 months.

When the researchers returned, the German greeted them
and showed the around the visa he had built which included
electricity, hot and cold running water, and a sauna among other amenities.

When it was time for dinner,
the Frenchman served a scrumptious 8 course meal using all
native plants and animals he had discovered on the island.

The dinner was paired with several wines which had also
been vinted from native plants.

After dinner, the researchers realized they had yet to see
the Japanese guy. The German told them that immediately
after arrival on the island, he had taken off into the jungle.

Worried about his fate, a rescue party was immediately formed
and the set off to look for him.

About 200 meters down the path into the interior of the island,
the Japanese guy leapt from a tree and yelled.

"SUPPLIES!"


******



A 16 Year Old Boy Arrives Home


With his new driving license, and says to his father:
"Dad, I bought a brand new Bentley."

"What? Those cars are worth >$200.000
and you don't have a buck."

"Yes sir, look at it parked there and it cost me $50."

The father looks out of the window and
sees a brand new Bentley Mulsanne.

"Son, what have you done?
You stole it!!!!"

The father grabs the boy by the ear and
takes him to the house where he says he bought it,
a big house where an old lady is having a cup of tea in her garden.

"Excuse me, ma'am,"
says the father,
"Is it true that you sold this great car to my son for $50?

"Yes, indeed."
she answers very calmly.

"But that can't be true,
this car is worth much more than $50!!"

She said,
Well, my husband went on a work trip to Switzerland a month ago,
but it turns out that he was cheating on me with his secretary
and he will stay there never to return.
He took everything but this car, the Bentley,
and yesterday he called me saying that his secretary had
stolen everything and he ran out of money.
He wanted me to sell the car urgently and send him the money.....
And that's exactly what I did!"



******



His Wife Disappeared in a Kayaking Accident


The Anchorage man answered his door to find two
grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens,
but we have some information about your wife,"
said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?"
Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other.

One said,
"We have some bad news,
some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said,
"Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said,
"I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning
we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked,
"What's the good news?"

The trooper continued,

"When we pulled her up,
she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs
and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs
clinging to her and we feel you are
entitled to a share in the catch."


Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded,
"If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said,
"We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[IceWizard]

[Charon]

[willie33]

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[Charon]

[willie33]

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