Humorous Smilies

[Charon]

   

[IceWizard]

Little Johnny Learns to Court the Girls

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and, like other boys his age, rather curious.

He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys
and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered.

Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind
the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.

This he did, and the following morning
Johnny described everything to his mother:

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile,
then he turned off most of the lights.

Then he started to kiss and hug her,
I figured sis must be getting sick because
her face started looking funny.

He must have thought so too because he put his hand
inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would.

Except he's not as good as the doctor,
because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

He was getting sick too, because pretty soon
both of them started panting and getting all out of breath.

His other hand must have been getting cold
because he put it under her skirt.

About this time, sis got toward
the end of the couch.

This was when the fever started.

I know it was a fever because sis told
him she was really HOT.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick....
a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow!

It just jumped out of his pants and stood there
about 9 inches long...............HONEST!

Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to
keep it from getting away.

When sis saw it she got really scared.

Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open,
and she started calling out to God
and stuff like that.

I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!

Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel
by biting its head off.

All of a sudden, she made a noise and
let the eel go...
I guess it bit her back.

Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight
while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and
slipped it over the eels head to keep it
from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could
get a scissor lock on it.
And he helped by laying on the top of the eel.

The eel put up a h3ll of a fight.

Sis started groaning and squealing and her
boyfriend almost upset the couch.

I guess they wanted to kill the eel
by squishing it between them.

After a while they both quit moving
and gave a great sigh.

Her boyfriend sat up and sure
enough they had killed the eel...

I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp
and some of its insides were hanging out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle,
but they went on courting anyway.

He started hugging and kissing her again.

And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all!

It jumped straight up and started to fight again.

I guess eels are like cats....
they have nine lives or something.

This time sis jumped up and tried to
kill the eel by sitting on it.

After about 35 minutes of struggle,
they finally killed the eel.

I know it was dead this time
because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin
and flush it down the toilet."

Mother fainted…….

[Charon]

Mother gave very stupid advice. kid was pretty smart. should become a writer.

[IceWizard]

The teacher asked her students to use the word
"Fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said
"My family went to the zoo, and
we saw all the animals, it was fascinating".

The teacher said,
"That was very good,
but I wanted the word fascinate".

Sally raised her hand, she said
"My family went to sea world and
saw all kinds of fish, it was fascinating".

The teacher again said,
"That was good, but I want the word fascinate".

Little Johnny sticks his hand up,
the teacher hesitated because Johnny
was noted for his bad language.

But she finally decided there was no way he could
damage the word fascinate.

So the teacher says
"Okay Johnny, your turn".

Johnny said:
"My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons,
but her b00bs are so big, she can only fasten 8"



**********


The teacher tells little Johnny,
“I’m going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is.
It lives on a farm and gives milk".

“A cow?”
says Johnny

She says,
“That’s correct too, but I meant a goat. “

Then She says,
“What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?”

“A chicken”
says Johnny

She says,
“That’s correct too but I meant a duck.”

Little Johnny, getting ticked off and
asks the teacher:

“What goes into your mouth hard,
and comes out soft and wet?”

The teacher starts blushing.

Little Johnny says,
“That’s correct too
but I meant chewing gum.”

[IceWizard]

A new level of lazy

[Charon]

   

[Charon]

   

*it if from An Irish sense of humor site. so it is in humorous funnies. k?*

[Charon]

   

[Mr. HIND]

[Charon]

   

*not an entirely accurate translation for those of you not familiar with the Eire Language.*