05-04-2021, 01:29 PM
It is Well with My Soul
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Humorous Smilies
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  ![[Image: she-already-took-half.jpg]](http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/she-already-took-half.jpg) ![[Image: yz-7-6.jpg]](http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/yz-7-6.jpg) ![[Image: 7-14.jpg]](http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/7-14.jpg) ![[Image: Dumpaday-memes-4.jpeg]](http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Dumpaday-memes-4.jpeg)
Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
05-12-2021, 01:21 PM
Funny Jokes And Puns About Cows And Milk
Cow Jokes And Puns Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side What happened when the cow tried to jump the new barbed wire fence the farmer built? Udder destruction. What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth? De-calfinated. How did the dairy farmer locate his missing cow? He tractor down. Why did the cow have no toes? Because he was lack toes intolerant. Did you hear about the breed of cows that are unable to stop laughing? Apparently they are a laughing stock. Where do you find cows who are having a really bad day? McDonalds. What do you call a cow who has no ears? It doesn't matter, it is never going to hear you. What do you call a cow on a diet? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horn do not work. What does a field mouse and a pile of grass have in common. The cat'll eat it. (The cattle eat it) Why was the cow afraid of everyone and everything? She was a cow-herd. What did everyone call the cows husband who just slept all day? Bulldozer. Did you hear about the new cow version of the latest Will Smith movie? Bad cows, bad cows, watcha gonna moo? Two cows are out and having a nice day eating grass on the farm when one says to the other one "are you not worried about the mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow replies, "of course I am not worried, I am a field mouse". At first I was really worried about my ex wife when we split up. But I then heard that she was with an Indian dude and I knew she would be ok. Apparently Indians worship cows. Did you hear about the talented cow that could play the guitar? She was quite the moo-sician. Why are cows so good at maths? They have a built in cowculator. What do you call a cow that gets absolutely everything wrong? A mis-steak What do you call a cow that can't stop shaking? A beef jerky Two dairy cows are beside one another in a field. Cow 1: "I was artificially impregnated this afternoon." Cow 2: "Look buddy, I just don't believe you" Cow 1: "It really is true, straight up, no bull!" How do cows keep tabs on one another? By reading the moos-paper. What did the mother cow say to her baby cow late at night? "It is whey pasture bedtime." Where do cows take each other on a dates? To the moo-vies What was the name of the cow who sat at the round table? Sir Loin What do you get when you cross a smurf with a cow? Blue cheese. Why wouldn't the 2 cows talk to each other? They had beef with each other. How do you get a dairy farmer girl to like you? A tractor. Which country do cows come from? Moo-Zealand. A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Neither. He isn’t strong enough to lift either of them. Two guys were playing cards and smoking a joint. That's right, the stakes were really high. Milk Jokes And Puns Where do Russians get their milk from? From moss-cows. Why do cows never have any money? Because the farmer milks them dry. Why did the cow become an astronaut? Because she wanted to visit the milky way. Did you hear about the cow who just sprays her milk everywhere? She is an udder failure. What is the trickiest part about making skimmed milk? Throwing a full grown cow across the lake. Why do people love jokes about milk? They are amoosing. Did you hear the pun about the cow that jumped over the house? It was legend-dairy Me: Excuse me sir, thanks for the glass of milk you left me Sperm bank worker: What glass of milk Me: That glass of milk that was sitting on top of your desk Sperm bank employee: Oh no! Me: What's the matter Sperm bank worker: That was my glass of milk that you drank What kind of milk is it easy to bounce stones on? Skim milk What do you call a beverage that always gets in the way of everything? Spoiled milk Did you hear about the dairy cow in an earthquake? It was a huge milkshake. What kind of milk do you get from a midget cow? Condensed milk. Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cow has the udder. I was staying at my friends farm last weekend. I decided to do him a favour and got up early to milk the cow for him. When I returned with a bucket of milk and told him what I did he replied "we don't have a cow, we have a bull". Why type of bees produce milk? Boo Bees Why did the farmer wear a peg on his nose when he milked his cow? Because of the aroma from the dairy air. I am jealous of my milk carton, it has a date and I don't. Did you hear about the dairy cow that couldn't produce milk? She was a milk dud It is Well with My Soul
05-13-2021, 01:12 AM
The Mother-N-Law
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman’s face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin. However,the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter! After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty! She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he had done. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!” He replied, “Oh don’t worry, Honey, I get plenty of thanks every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!” ********** The Mechanic A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running". ********** A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill whereupon a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russian". Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians". The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought. And then silence. Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander "Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them". ********** Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their outfit and began to give the moose love call. Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, let’s get out and get him.” After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?” The guy in the front says, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.” ********** Oh Those Irish Lads What type of lawn furniture is only used on St. Patrick’s Day? Paddy O’Furniture. ********** Mick is walking down the street when he sees Paddy running behind a bus “Oi, Paddy! Why’re you running behind that bus?” “Well I’ve got to pay if I get on it!” ********** I’ve just seen Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, “Watch out you don’t trip up over your laces, Paddy.” Paddy says, “Yeah, it’s these bloody instructions.” I said, “What instructions, Paddy?” Paddy says, “Underneath the shoe, it says ‘Taiwan’.” ********** Once a man in the mafia, was tasked with killing another man. He ended up killing him with a porcelain doll in a rice paddy. It was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack. ********** I said to my spouse, "These McNag burgers give me the 'trots'" ( in reference to McDonalds having chosen to use horse meat over local cattle products.) Without hesitation, she came back to me with: "To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian" ********** A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face? Cow says "Illegal ingredients are coming over here stealing our jobs!” ********** What do you call kids born in houses of ill repute? Brothel sprouts. ********** What was Adam and Eve’s biggest problem during their marriage? They could never agree on who wore the plants in the family. ********** “Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.” ********** Two men are sitting in a sauna after a workout. “I’ll be honest, my wife really is an angel.” “You’re lucky,” the second man answers, wiping the sweat from his brow. “My wife is still alive.” ![[Image: BVXSLuB.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/BVXSLuB.jpg) ![[Image: 8puNwRv.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/8puNwRv.jpg)
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png) USMC Nemo me impune lacessit
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