Humorous Smilies

[willie33]

---

---

---

---

---

k

---

---

o

---

[IceWizard]

Canadians in a Fight?
https://imgur.com/GVYkcT9


Just Walking My  ... Goose!?
https://imgur.com/gallery/iI1J8xW

[Charon]

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

[Charon]

   

[IceWizard]

*************************

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur,
with a pigmy standing beside it.

Amazed, he asked "Did you kill that?"

"Yes" said the pigmy.

The hunter asked "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?"

The pigmy said "I killed it with my club".

"Dang! How big is your club?" asked the astonished hunter.

"There are about two hundred of us" said the pigmy.


***************************

This couple was driving down the Hwy when the GF started having cramps.

She told her Guy friend that she needed to stop because her stomach

was really rolling. Being a fairly large girl, she knew she had to act fast.



He said that he was in a big hurry to get to Houston and she could

just get in the back seat and hang her tail out of the window.



Not being in the best condition to argue, she crawled in the back

and proceeded to get in position to relieve the cramps.



As she was pulling down her skivies, he was trying his best to see

all that he could and almost ran off the road and hit two hitchhikers!



He jerked the car back into the lane, just in time.



My buddy hollered and said, "Man, did you get

any of that tobacco juice on you?!"



I said, "Yes I did! But did you get a look at those lips

that was spittin it out!?!"


**************************************


Diagnosis Explained

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all
of his tests come back normal.

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so
He’s fixed it so when I get up in the
middle of the night to go to the bathroom,
poof! The light goes on. When I’m done,
poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine!
But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his
relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up
during the night, and poof, the light goes on
in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof,
the light goes off?”

“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie.
“He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

[Charon]

   

   

   

[Charon]

   

   

   

   

   

[IceWizard]

BEFORE MARRIAGE*

Man : I have been waiting for this day
Lady : Do you want me to leave?
Man : No
Lady: Do you love me?
Man: Of course
Lady: Will you ever cheat on me?
Man: Never in my life
Lady: Will you ever hug me?
Man: Every chance I get
Lady: Will you hit me?
Man: Are you crazy?
Lady : Can I trust you?
Man: Yes
Lady: Sweet heart

*AFTER 25 YRS of MARRIAGE*
........ *Now Read from bottom to top*

*********************************************

One night, a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib.
Silently she watched him.

As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his
face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement,
enchantment, even skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused,
with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
“A penny for your thoughts,” she said.

“It’s amazing!” he replied.
“I just can’t see how anybody can make a
crib like that for only $67.50.”


*****************************************


It was two o’clock in the morning and a husband and
wife were asleep when suddenly the phone rang.

The husband picked up the phone and said,
“Hello? (Pause as he listens.)
How the heck do I know?
What am I, the weather man?”

and promptly slammed the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, “Who was that?”

The husband replies,
“I don’t know.
Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.”

And that's when the fight started


*****************************************

The School teacher sent home a note with her student.

The note reads, ”Your son is an obedient and
bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.”

Mother sends a note back the following day,
”Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem."


*****************************************

One evening after dinner, my five-year-old son Brian noticed that his
mother had gone out.

In answer to his questions, I told him,
"Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment.
Puzzled, he asked,
"What’s a Tupperware party, Dad?"

I’ve always given my son honest answers, so I figured a
simple explanation would be the best approach.

"Well, Brian," I said, "At a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies
sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

Brian nodded, indicating that he understood.
Then he burst into laughter.

"Come on, Dad,' he said. 'What is it really?"

[Charon]

Willie and Ice u have outdone yourselves. Bravo.

[Charon]