Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

If Noah Lived Now

In the year 2015, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Oregon and said:

"Once again, the earth has become evil and
I see the end of all flesh before me. Build
another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and
saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "But things
have changed."

"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector About the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated
the Neighborhood By-Laws by building the
Ark in my back garden and exceeding the
height limitations. We had to go to the Local
Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electric
Company demanded a boat load of money
for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I
told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order
to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I
tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!"

"When I started gathering the animals the
ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I
was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too
restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Protection Agency
ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"Immigration are checking the Visa status of
most of the people who want to work."

"The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the Internal
Revenue Service seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began
to shine, and a rainbow stretched across
the sky."



Noah looked up in wonder and asked,

"You mean you're not going to destroy the
world?"


"No," said the Lord.

"The Government beat me to it."