A lawyer was standing in a long line to get
tickets for a play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back.
He turned and gave the man a stern look, and
the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man's hands on his back.
"Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"
"I'm a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can't keep myself from practicing my skills."
" Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot
back. "I'm an attorney, and you don't see me
screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
***************
Instructions we could really do without!!
ON TESCOS TIRIMISU DESSERT
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the
bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS
ON MARKS
ON MARKS and SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
Do not Iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH
MEDICINE
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID)
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
Warning: keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON THE INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL FOR A
CANON CAMERA (circa 1966)
Do not rattle playfully at the shutter button.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURYS PEANUTS
Warning: contains nuts.
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF
NUTS
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP
Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A FROZEN DINNER AT HOME
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN
A BOX
Fits one head.
ON A PACKET OF SUN-MAID RAISINS
Why not try tossing over your favorite
breakfast cereal?
ON A HAIRDRYER
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS
You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. (Details inside.)
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his
parishioners who was known for being a poor housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Have these dishes ever been washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and
water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the
food anyway and started eating. It was
really delicious and he said so, despite the
dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the
dishes outside, whistled and yelled, "Here,
Soap! Here, Water!"
tickets for a play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back.
He turned and gave the man a stern look, and
the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man's hands on his back.
"Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"
"I'm a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can't keep myself from practicing my skills."
" Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot
back. "I'm an attorney, and you don't see me
screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
***************
Instructions we could really do without!!
ON TESCOS TIRIMISU DESSERT
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the
bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS
ON MARKS
ON MARKS and SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
Do not Iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH
MEDICINE
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID)
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
Warning: keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON THE INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL FOR A
CANON CAMERA (circa 1966)
Do not rattle playfully at the shutter button.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURYS PEANUTS
Warning: contains nuts.
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF
NUTS
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP
Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A FROZEN DINNER AT HOME
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN
A BOX
Fits one head.
ON A PACKET OF SUN-MAID RAISINS
Why not try tossing over your favorite
breakfast cereal?
ON A HAIRDRYER
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS
You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. (Details inside.)
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his
parishioners who was known for being a poor housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Have these dishes ever been washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and
water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the
food anyway and started eating. It was
really delicious and he said so, despite the
dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the
dishes outside, whistled and yelled, "Here,
Soap! Here, Water!"
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit