Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss. ...
What does smoking marijuana do?

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A man died after falling into a vat of coffee.
His wife told reporters, "At least he didn't suffer - it was instant."



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One tribe of cannibals were converted by missionaries
to becoming good Catholics. ..
They ate fishermen only on Fridays now.


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As I grow older I find I am more interested in the hereafter. ..
I'll be standing in the kitchen going
"Now, what did I come in here after?".


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Why do men traditionally let women go through the door first?
It goes all the way back to caveman days.
A guy would wake up, roll the big rock away from the cave entrance…
and let his woman step out first.

If nothing ate her, he would go next.


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I sometimes fool my neighbors into thinking I'm good in bed
by hiding my wife's inhaler.
They can hear her out of breath shouting
"Give it to me, just hurry up and
give it to me, pleeeeease give it to me!"



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A bartender brings a guy a drink and says,
"Hey buddy, you look a little down. What's wrong?"

The guy says,
"Well, when my wife left,
I felt a little sad in the beginning.
Then I got a dog, bought a Harley,
and asked out the pretty neighbor next door.
Things were definitely looking better."

"Sounds pretty great," says the bartender.

And the guy says,
"Yeah... but now I'm thinking about what's gonna happen
when my wife comes home from work."



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The pet store owner promised it was a
genuine anteater when he sold it to me. ...
But it turned out to be an aunt-eater ..

and now my uncle’s furious.

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The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps told
a woman to cover her midriff ..
It was a navel blockade ..


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Suppose Dolly Parton Married Tom Smothers, 
Then Divorced Him and Married Stuart Little, 
Divorced Him and Married Martin Short, 
Then Divorced Him And Married Leslie Mann ..
Her name would be Dolly Parton Smothers Little Short Mann