Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A Wife is Frying Eggs for
Her Husband One Morning


Suddenly the husband appears behind
the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan!
You're frying too many at a time.
TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM!
Come on! Put more fat in there.
Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make
space for the fat now, look,
they're sticking to the pan!
Careful! Careful now! You never listen
to me when I cook! NEVER!
Flip them over already.
HURRY! ARE YOU CRAZY?
Take it easy! EASY! Nooo, don't forget the salt.
Put salt on them, SALT!"

The wife stares at her husband:
"What's wrong with you?
You think I can't fry a few eggs?"

The husband answers calmly:
"I just wanted to show you what
it feels like when I'm driving."


*****



Son, You Need to Study Shakespeare


Little Johnny is at the mall with his mom.

He sees a man with bow legs and points to him and says,
"Mom, what's wrong with that man's legs?"

She's horrified and tells him,
"Johnny, that's rude, you should never
point out other people's disabilities.
For punishment you have to read the
Complete Works of Shakespeare
every night for the next two weeks."

After two weeks they're back at the mall
and Johnny sees the bow-legged man again.

He turns to his mom and says,
"Oh, Mother, what manner of men are these
that wear their balls in parentheses?"



*****


At a Crocodile Farm


A group of tourists visited a crocodile farm and
the owner of the place launched a bold proposal.

"Whoever dares to jump,
swim to the coast and survive,
I'll give you $ 1 million."

No one dared to move,
suddenly, a man jumped into the water
and desperately swam to the shore
while being chased by all the crocodiles.

With enormous luck he survived,
taking everyone's admiration at the scene,
then the owner announced,
"We have a brave winner! "

After collecting his reward,
the couple returned to the hotel,
upon arrival, the manager told him he
was very brave to jump in with
all those crocodiles.

Then the man said,
"I didn't jump, someone pushed me!"

His wife smiled...


*****


My last relationship ended because
I didn't open the car door for her.
I swam up to the surface instead.



*****


Got in trouble at a gender reveal party today.
Apparently pulling my pants down
is not what they had in mind.


*****


I once dated a girl
That told me she loved all animals.
When I told her I worked with animals,
she asked me if I was a veterinarian.
I said,
"No, I am a butcher"


*****