Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Cruel Things To Say To a Naked Man:


I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

Aaahh, it’s cute.

But it still works, right?

Does it come with an air pump?

Maybe it looks better in natural light.

Why don’t we just cuddle?

You know they have surgery to fix that?

And yet your feet are so big!

I guess this makes me the early bird.

It’s OK, we’ll work around it.

It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

Why is God punishing me?

Can I be honest with you?

What's it going to be when it grows up ?


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MIDDLE AGE ....
OLD LIST...
STILL APPLIES TODAY !


What a Difference Thirty Years Makes:


1975: long hair
2005: Longing for hair

1975: Moving to California because it’s cool
2005: Moving to California because it’s warm

1975: Growing pot
2005: Growing pot belly

1975: Trying to look like Liz Taylor
2005: Trying not to look like Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage

1975: Getting out to a new, hip joint
2005: Getting a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney stones

1975: Screw the system
2005: Upgrade the system

1975: Take acid
2005: Take antacid

1975: Passing the driver’s test
2005: Passing the vision test

1975: ‘Whatever’
2005: ‘Depends’



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Dating And Marriage:


When you are dating . . .
Farting is never an issue.

When you are married . . .
You make sure there’s nothing flammable near
your husband– at all times.


When you are dating …
He takes you out to have a good time.

When you are married …
He brings home a six-pack and says,
‘What are you going drink?’


When you are dating …
He holds your hand in public.

When you are married …
He flicks your ear in public.


When you are dating . . .
You enjoy foreplay.

When you are married . . .
You tell him. If we have sex,
will you leave me alone?’


When you are dating …
He hugs you tenderly for no reason.

When you are married …
He grabs your boobs any chance he gets.


When you are dating …
A single bed for two feels cosy.

When you are married …
A king-size double bed feels too cramped.


When you are dating . . .
The sight of him naked turns you on.

When you are married . . .
You think, ‘Was he always that fat?’


When you are dating . . .
You picture the two of you, growing old together.

When you are married . . .
You wonder who will die first.